Shit Facilitators Say

Kids, if you love the smell of school supplies, have I got a career for you.

Born to create containers for insight. Forced to nail down those KPIs before our hard stop at 4:45.

Not for nothing, but be on time coming back from break.

We'll be circling back to that thing we put a pin in, if you want to stop by later.

Hop in loser, we're co-creating working agreements.

It's a great vacation if my spouse doesn't have to remind me of our ground rules, such as "no instructional design on the beach."

Facilitators, remember that vacation is the perfect time to refill your metaphor bank. Keep your eyes peeled for:
- natural beauty
- fractals
- animals doing things that relate to strategic planning

It doesn't feel like a true vacation til I've unloaded all my flip charts from the trunk to make room for my beach chairs.

Me: Hey, this family vacation isn't going to facilitate itself!

My family: Can you not

Best vacation: When the participants go off to do 60 minutes of small group work.

2nd best vacation: Actual vacation.

Can I bill my client for the time they mentally encroach upon my vacation, or is that on me?

Genius!

Live, Laugh, Let's all use "I" statements

When white smoke emerges from the breakout group, we'll know they've chosen their recorder.

Nobody:
Facilitators: Since spring has finally sprung, please go around and share one thing you think is blossoming on this team 🌸

Workshop participant: Be ungovernable

Workshop facilitator: Normally I'd agree but we have an agenda to get through

Welcome to the group!

Cam from Modern Family looking very demure.

Me interrupting each small group to tell them they have 5 minutes remaining.

Facilitators will be like "the group needed this" and it will literally just be like 43 seconds of the most awkward silence ever.

Please share your name and pronouns, and one thing you are doing to resist tyranny.

So what I'm hearing you say is, April Fools Day pranks are ok, as long as they do not violate our group agreements?

Bad news, accidently added the client to the co-facilitator group chat 😬

So good

As in "yes I'm with you"? Or to get someone's attention?

Yesssss

What sounds would be included in a facilitation ASMR video? So far I have:
- paper ripping off a flip chart pad
- ding of mediation bell calling participants back from break
- skid of rearranging tables after room setup request was not followed
- marker uncapping/recapping
What else??

Someone should invent an adult boxed lunch that doesn't suck. Why do those mustard packets make me so sad.

Friend: Is it hard to turn off facilitator mode in social situations?

Friend: ??

Me: I'm listening for what is emergent in the silence

You become a facilitator twice.
The first time is when you create group agreements.
The second time is when the group is 11 minutes late coming back from break, violating your group agreements.

Any other facilitators #severence fanatics, or just me? #strategicplanning