The Law

What on earth…

Going to the strip club and throwing handfuls of Sacagaweas on the stage

Doing the Human Centipede thing but just to 3 centipedes. Get ready to see the longest centipede of your life.

If I became religious I can’t tell ya what religion I’d follow but I can tell ya I definitely ain’t worshipping no damn virgin

Guy trying to not let anyone find out he’s horrific at learning languages: ‘Queso, queso’. Whatever will be, will be.

King… please.. stop dropping your crown

This has been happening a while. Google ‘Woody Guthries guitar’. Only if your mental health is good though, it’s pretty upsetting. And no, of course it was never punished in anyway. Ugh!

Am I the only one who thinks Criss Angel is a little bit of, I don’t know, a mind freak? Is that mean to say?

Thanks!

I don’t really buy that ‘man is the most dangerous game’, it’s probably a really big jellyfish or something

Wearing one of those pilgrim buckle hats and loosening it up a couple notches after finishing a book

I’ll take one wheat thanks.. oh, and make it shredded 😏

I love that before realizing it’s Superman, New Yorkers would stop walking and look up excitedly at a bird or plane

Therapist said she has never seen anything quite like it. After only one session she declared I’m fixed and there’s nothing else for me to work on. Could tell she could use the cash though so one more session is scheduled where I’ll help her out with flaws, trauma etc..

My father keeps finding quarters behind my ear and it’s scaring the hell out of me, that being said, the passive income has been nice

Harlem Globetrotters have to be the best basketball team there is, no one else is doing stuff like that on the court

If I was a doctor I’d always say upon receiving an order, “ah, just what the doctor ordered!” People would laugh and I’d be one of the most beloved practitioners in America.

They all said I had two left feet. “Couldn’t walk in a straight line stone cold sober with a life term hanging over his head at the dui checkpoint” but then they see me dance.. ohh do they change their little tunes..I whip and whirl over and over and over like a tornado counter clockwise

Inherited a luxury condominium and I’m the undisputed landlord of it. Sounds like a dream right? Oh, it’s even right in the heart of… Roku City.. I can’t find a tenant to save my fucking life and I’m asking almost nothing for rent!!!

Pretending to read a young adult novel in the children’s section of the library and looking up every couple minutes to see if the kids are impressed

Becoming famous and beloved as the first guy who brake checks opponents in nascar races

Creepy kid who always wears a trench coat talking to his friend Matt: Hey Matt, I really like you.. don’t come to school tomorrow

school the next day..

Creepy trench coat kid smiling, holding open his coat by the lapel:

Everyone! Look at these pictures I drew of Matt, I really really like him ^•^

Not a joke

Is this joke stolen from Hollywood handbook? I dont know

From now on only simple poetry!
I simply want you to know
The real me.

For your records for instancely!
Bet you didn’t know my blood type is…
A,B,A,A,C

Though my dreams vivid
Upon waking, revealed untrue.
Begrudgingly eat my ham sandwich,
While day dreaming of beef stew.
Glancing to a mirror, our eyes meat
I say “oh my god- Dijon vu!”

The coast and reduced to whispers by the land ??” “

Me, stepping in with both hands extended outwards smartly: “stop! Stop the bickering, give peice a chance!”

Everyone even my dumb and hateful harshest critics clapping and whooping: “he’s brilliant.”