Chris Mohney

13yo spent morning before school orchestrating complex negotiated trades in Robox’s ”Adpot Me” game. had three windows open checking values and market chatter as well as the trades. this game is creating a generation of Gordon Gekkos

My friend Matt Inman made a great comic about AI…

Let’s do the fucking news [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of news I was trying to do]

Bari: Let's do the fucking news!

CBS reporter: Have you ever done the news

Bari: No

I'm sorry as anyone Bari Weiss is getting even richer and being handed a High Vizier role but I'm barely cognizant CBS News exists, and I'm a certified Old. far as I'm concerned she can enjoy her golden sarcophagus, entombed under seventeen million cubits of corporate media bullshit

can't believe my lifelong dream to run CBS News has been taken from me

"Is this anything?" Yeah a sign that you SUCK AT POSTING

imagine joining the National Guard now. what’s their recruiting like. “have you always longed to beat up other Americans who have done nothing wrong? well mostly you’ll be picking up trash, and you’ll be sleeping on the ground and won’t get paid, but you get to do it all in another state”

(toaster fails to toast my bread properly) I’m not mad at you because I’m not racist

me: hey aren't you the shark from Jaws

blåhaj: my man, you gotta stop streaking through IKEA every time you drop acid. that Paul Blart wannabe's just looking for a reason

security guard: *resting the barrel of his gun on the back of my neck* I brought this from home

adopting an expression overheard from 13yo's friends: "too baby," eg "I thought I could watch the scary movie but it turns out I'm too baby."

I guess it shouldn’t be surprising how quickly a tidal wave of Sora slop took over Tiktok

Movie where The Rock gets stuck in his Smashing Machine hair and makeup and can’t get it off.

Tilly Norwood's file has been corrupted. She is no longer a virgin

wow I wonder why my entire body was in the air in the first place

Oops! All Viziers

comic book authors: we invented the punisher as a cautionary tale about vigilante crime fighting
the director of the fbi: at long last, we are implementing the ethos from the classic comic book the punisher

man if you wish to see a virgin on-screen then just turn on your front facing camera

all mammals share an instinct to destroy their ancient enemy, the loathsome gourd

"I can't say what I think should happen to thieves like this.”

@404media.co asked me what I thought about this shit.

www.404media.co/ai-generated...

Circle K has what can only be described as “Saints Row Food”

Put that man in charge of the war department

proud of our boys or whatever

Under my administration we captured 3 gray aliens and 2 green

The generals left that meeting texting each other cool potential names for their junta

Excerpt from the police blotter from the Scarsdale Sentinel of Scarsdale New York: "Thursday, August 14, 12:51 PM: a Scarsdale resident told police that his mother took away his gaming device and will not return it. Police spoke to the mother, he said she took the device away because her son was misbehaving, and it will be returned when his behavior improves."

calling the cops on mom when she confiscates your Switch. max audacity unlocked

meanwhile at the Riyadh Comedy Festival

MR BEAST drives WAR RIG over a PILE OF HUMAN SKULLS

what I remember from 2002 Walmart is heading to the 24hr supercenter in Birmingham at 2am desperate for lotion to relieve a vicious sunburn and encountering a family of seven in the parking lot who were vigorously engaged in cramming a floor model pool table into the back of a station wagon

bluesky needs to port over this feature