J S Docherty

Featuring John Torode.
(Checks notes)
Oh, actually it doesn't.

Scenes submitted to The House. Looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. Hopefully the comment I've had in the past that my sketches are a bit too sitcommy will pay dividends #WritingCommunity #Comedy #ComedyWriting

Screenshot showing number three joke on Reddit and 741k viewers

This one is doing nicely over on Reddit. Earlier it was number one on r/jokes

More than £100million of Premium Bond prizes are unclaimed, with the oldest going back to 1957. People are surprised I only have one Premium Bond, and are even more surprised when I tell them it's Roger Moore.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Beauty influencers on Tik Tok are bringing back Tan Lines, saying they're a desirable sign of an active lifestyle. They suggest getting them by safely darkening your skin with something like blusher or bronzer, or here in Scotland, Tippex.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

The BBC has launched an investigation into alleged drug use by two Strictly Come Dancing stars. Suspicions started at rehearsals when, instead of turning up with dance shoes and legwarmers, one of the stars came with glowsticks and a whistle.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

NASA aims to build a nuclear reactor on the moon as part of plans to have humans living on the surface. Settlers will need it because the moon is regularly shrouded in darkness and freezing temperatures, meaning they hope to test the designs in Kirkcaldy
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

In trials, the only thing men can do that's more effective for preventing pregnancy than the new pill was found to be saying you really admire Andrew Tate.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

A study in mice found shortly after stopping the new male pill, they were capable of fathering children, but still incapable of remembering their birthdays.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Glasgow has been transformed into New York for the filming of Spider-man 4. The streets are covered with taxis that are purely for show and aren't available to hire, making it exactly like any Saturday night in the city.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Many braved Storm Floris this week to queue for Oasis Merchandise at their store in Edinburgh. No-one was blown away, which isn't surprising at £40 for a t-shirt.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Tesco are now selling a sandwich based on a birthday cake. Buyers say their problem with it isn't the high amounts of sugar or fat, it's that when you try and eat it, everyone crowds round you and sings.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Mark Sweards, the MP for Leeds South-West, has released an Al version of himself. The last time someone tried it, people were put off by the rubbery face, insincere expressions and dead eyes, before they were told that actually was Michael Gove
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

Kate Forbes speaks fluent Gaelic after learning it at school. The only other way to say something in Holyrood that two percent of the country cares about is to be a member of the Scottish Lib Dems.
#BTN #BTNNB #BTNRejects #jokes #humour #funny

The original name was 'The whole nine yards' but that was three more than Gary is used to.

What's your sign?

The more I read, the more I don't like this reboot of Are You Being Served.

Disturb afterwards. Enjoy!

F**L MY PR*CKS
WATCH ME C*RL INTO A B*LL
AVAILABLE SPR*NG TO **T*MN

19.00 GLUE FACTORY
The next part of Slow Horses.

Have you told Chris or Lauren you're coming? Might be worth dropping them a line, never know, you might be able to meet Des and the Panel

Enjoy the train and the recording

Last six sent to #BTN just before the deadline, with all rounds hit. 23 for the week, which is good, though I'm now suffering from Oasis fatigue. #WritingCommunity

"What did you say your name was?"
"Tom."
"Oh. We'll have to change that."

It's great getting a fringe gag, I always say they count double.
Can be a slightly different audience, so a different feel, but still comes down to what works in the room and fits with the rest of the show.

This kind of thing can lead to huge problems if you don't get adequate support

Never know, maybe the new Mitchell and Webb sketch show will revitalise the industry and we'll all be churning out content faster than ai can reject it.

You never know. There's a lot of Radio 4 Extra to fill.

Cough cough, register with ALCS, cough