CaroleU

I lost the "US Drinking Teams by State" map that briefly floated by last night, but I still think it's unfair to put Illinois and Wisconsin in the same bracket and expect anyone else to win. :/

Damn, I forgot the pretzels. Also the stroopwaffels. I'll go back.

There's food, there's comfort food, and then there's whatever you bought while 99 Luftballons was playing at the grocery store.

The evening ends with a shower and me poorer by a pair of socks.

A photo of a cat under a bed with a rotisserie chicken with the caption: This is Beans. Beans stole a while rotisserie chicken off the counter. Not a piece. The whole chicken. Beans dragged it under the bed and growled at us for forty minutes. Beans is 9 pounds.

Become ungovernable

my goals have training wheels

Meditation turns to sleep and the sequel knows that the last thing you're going to do in a dream is meditate some more so what's next for zen. You are mindful in a theater, trying to feel pretty Zen 2 also

handing out beads today to everyone flashing me their wits

Odd as it may sound, I was invited here.

Back off Karma, I got this one

Happy Year of the Horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course, that is, of course, unless the horse is on social media, maybe doing an AMA or NGL or something.

Here’s hoping my laurels aren’t quick sand.

it’s past midnight. that means everything i eat from now until 10am is breakfast

A tangerine resting atop a red envelope resting atop a disco ball activated in the sun!

happy lunar new year, sweet babies 🍊

Lydia! Is there a Lydia? Move your coffee cup away from your laptop NOW!
Also, the guy across from you wants to ask you out, but he's too shy. Give him a nudge, lovely 🧙‍♀️

Me at work: I've gotta remember to do all the things when I get home.

Me at home:

Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.

if you say "this won't take long" then i will assume we have a verbal contract and will be billing you emotionally

Oh no, silhouette is boss level. I wouldn’t presume. 😳

This may be the first year I remembered how to spell jacaranda without either looking it up or letting it autofill. Atta me.

[lunar new year walks into a bar]

Bartender: Why the long face?

(I would eat that. Good riddance to the ex, obvs, but the gratin looks tasty.)

Still, reminiscing/nostalgia yearning for the new normal we all wanted to happen..

If you're not up Cthulhuing your cult, are even really avoiding your sleep paralysis demon?

It's morning now anyway.

The app that tells you everything you are currently outside of and then dives down into what you're currently inside of is just too nesting doll GPS for osmosis traffic

2025 was proof time travel does not exist.

i wonder how often
the ocean has to pee

Pasta Puttanesca...

Puttanesca: Italian, from puttana ‘prostitute’ (the sauce is said to have been devised by prostitutes as one which could be cooked quickly between clients' visits).

So, when you say "Pasta Puttanesca like my momma used to make", I now know what you're really saying.

Everything is a private joke if you don’t get it.

A guy was wearing a black shirt over a white one. I mistook him for a priest and he was ill equipped to handle my confession.

we choose the choices but not the outcomes