Sarah Guzzardo

Everything I know about SpongeBob SquarePants I’ve learned against my will please God why am I in my 40s and still learning more????

Announcement: we’re striking “mouthwatering” from the English language say your goodbyes

“I wanted that in my mouth and then water came out of my mouth!” keep it to yourself you fuckn weirdo that’s private information

Delighted to finally discover the Bridge of Spies fandom I have so long sought 🙏 THERE’S DOZENS OF US

why does this headline feel like the search history of a creatively blocked serial killer

sorry to everyone borne back ceaselessly into the past but I'm different

I’ve now done the emotional labor of finding out what the worst type of sandwich to somehow accidentally drop directly into your purse is.

It’s tuna.
You’re welcome.

“Hi welcome to our house— we’re not the only assholes here, our dog is ALSO a dick. Come on in!”

If I saw this outside someone’s house I’d call 911. Their dog has clearly used a godlike omnipotence to trap them— physically and mentally— inside the twisted Twilight Zone-esque requirements of his unchecked & monstrous reign of terror. I would pray in vain for God to have mercy on their souls.

would love to have this convo with her absolutely

Best/worst thing about rich people’s houses is the weird office break room they sometimes have off their kitchen.

You can call it a “pantry” all you want but… shelves of snacks, various disused appliances, cases of sparkling water and a half full fridge??? get real Linda this is the break room