Handbaglvr

Just ordered pizza for my guest, seasonal depression.

deep throating my straw at Wendy’s
(flirting)

Winter Storm Phallus dropping panties from the plains to the East Coast

*resets voicemail greeting to fax answer tone

If I take care of the shipping, will you do the handling?

UPS sext

just releasing all of my insane thoughts here like a flock of majestic doves. gray doves. actually maybe those are pigeons. okay, that one was definitely a seagull.

those Lindt Chocolate people really have a lot of balls

Corn dogs are tacquitos

Started pulling the sticks out of my corn dogs and eating them like a burrito, it’s been a game changer.

Be the change you want to see in your homeowners association's restrictions on allowable gazebo heights.

Yippeeee!!

At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets.

Found you 😘

Music should make you feel something

Great music should make you feel everything

If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser

😂😂

‘This year me’ just told ‘last year me’ that he’s a dick for the way he put away these Christmas lights.

#TerrierTuesday
Ralf
Patterdale x Lakeland in Gloucestershire, UK
9 years old
Hobbies: Hanging upside down, cuddling my dad, annoying Margo

Black and Tan terrier sat in an armchair

Do you like my chair?

I might just like your tweet, but I’ll sure-as-fuck retweet your pet pictures.

A white kitten with black spots cuddles with a tiny cat shaped stuff animal as if it were his own baby.

A cat wearing pit viper goggles with rainbow lenses relaxes on a bare glacier. A mountain is visible behind him.

Since we’re posting more regularly here and it’s a new platform I figured we should introduce ourselves.

This is Gary. He’s an 11-year old domestic longhair cat and together we adventure around western Canada, mostly in the Rocky Mountains.

Someone call the vet because Gary looks sick af A cat in ski goggles stands on a pair of skis in the snow

Gary commits a faux pas by walking in the skin track

After a large snowstorm Gary was begging to go outside for a walk.

The easiest way to get around was on skis. So I put on my touring gear and we went out.

If someone sends you a break-up note that says "It's not you, it's me," tell them they should have used a semicolon. Then it'll be you.

Small bar in Houghton County named after the town it is in.

a kitten is jumping in the air with a blue background Alt: a kitten is jumping in the air with a blue background

me on the skyline

welcome to bluesky: just be your dumb weird self