ashleigh 🪴✌️💚

text to my bf: when did everyone get so fucking dumb? was it off page?

any excuse to repost the pants

challenge: if you can guess exactly how many houseplants i have acquired, i’ll send you a pic of my bum (good luck!)

when we usher in chaos,
just know that we did it smilin
hannibal's on this island,
inmates run the asylum

and i got my teeth fixed today, you can’t tell me nothin

a woman in a red shirt is holding a microphone and says you get a brick you get a brick ALT: a woman in a red shirt is holding a microphone and says you get a brick you get a brick

(to the face)

pumped me so full of novocain my nose is numb and possibly my left tear duct

and it’s not even a regular appt, it’s a double: periodontal scaling and restoratives 🥺

only thing worse than waiting is waiting for the dentist

i preordered my copy last week sir 🫡 very exciting stuff

before you speak to me, understand that im built like this

please don’t put in the newspaper that im not chill

my baby cousin just graduated college 🥲💗

if any human being were to refer to me as a “host body” for a fetus… i would gouge their eyes out with my fingers and make them eat them when im done

as of this post right now i am 5 away from 1k posts. should i post ass?

this kinda makes me sick idk

now hiring for data entry clerk! please enjoy this ai interview because we don’t wanna pay people for HR

maybe it’s because im disabled and have an autistic daughter but everything he says/does/imagines makes me wanna k*ll something

if i had my pick, id go for rfk. i know everyone wants the orange “man” gone but rfk makes me h*micidal

today is a great day to send me money for no reason

im gonna test my new keyboard when i get home from this doctors appointment. maybe stream????! :)

hey fellow chronically ill folks… i’ll show you mine if you show me yours ;)

(list of current medications)

i just remembered i have a big important doctors appointment tomorrow for my disability claim. now im so nervous i might puke. goodnight

about to go down to my pharmacy and cause a motherfucking scene. DO YOUR JOB!

booooo paywall

guys i might actually have to talk to my bitch wife… should i bail?

crochet butterfly top 🦋 (dm if you want one!)

a cartoon of homer simpson wearing a crown and surrounded by treasure ALT: a cartoon of homer simpson wearing a crown and surrounded by treasure

i have approximately 18 crochet projects going and they’re (mostly) all for meeee!!!!