POLYGOLUB

At my lowest moments, when it seems things can't get any worse, I remember there are still five to seven more Fox News hosts who haven't yet been put in charge of essential institutions far beyond their experience and empathy.

I need those Pokégifts!

👋

You would say that, wouldn't you?

And how many Dakotas do we really need?

This is about me! I'm (tangentially) in a Penny Arcade comic!

NYC Mass Shooting Was Nearly Impossible to Prevent, Experts Say

Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.

a purple monster with red eyes is smiling on a wooden surface ALT: a purple monster with red eyes is smiling on a wooden surface

You won't regret this.

Sheryl Crow is a national treasure.

That's the only explanation for losing Inside Job.

I think I've peed in Nothing.

What the? Did they mean "bi-monthly" as in it came out once every two months or twice a month?!

[In Austrian accent overshadowed by robotic effect] Cool.

6) Downton Abbey spoilers

Wait. I mean, a new jersey.

What Arkan saw.

The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations “In recent months, a curious fixation has emerged in corners of academia: the em dash. More specifically, the apparent moral panic around how it is...

"Go to your nearest café and look to your left, then to your right. A hundred percent of those people are slathering me across sentences like adding more cheese to a risotto that’s already drowning in parmesan."

Give 'em hell, Emmy—and more than just a dash of it.

You have Josh Gadd.

I'll defend Superman Returns to my grave.

We have versions of our own red cards in English and Spanish available to anyone who needs them at our main office (725 E Charleston Blvd, Las Vegas, NV 89104).

It's super effective.

We GET it.

Yes! And then he punched Will Smith in the face with some Jewish bears. Or Sinbad? Some Jewish Sinbads.

It sucks.

Things can only get better from here. Or worse. They'll get better or they'll get worse.

It's actually Frankenstein's Monster Monster Speaker.

I have room in my brain for the names of, maybe, four more Pokémon, but that's it.