Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩

Xzibit gonna be doing Pimp My Casket in a few years.

Wtf is wrong with me

If that vampire guy came at me, I would just be like Nopesferatu

If you call me cheeky, I assume it's because you're thinking about my butt

Replying with, "AI generated content." whenever someone shows me pictures of their kids

I ate here every day as a kid. My dad would leave me at the cafeteria with a fiver and tell me not to go anywhere while he went and banged the store manager in the fitting rooms.

Never saw it for that reason alone.

Let's do it!

Nah. Euthanizing them is the only way

Fuck a movie that starts with a phone conversation

Don't underestimate me. I could do much worse.

*takes a drag off a cigarette* I remember when I had a favorite notification

if u listen to the hotdog rollers w yr heart u can hear angels simg

Kill all billionaires

I'm more disturbed about the voices outside my head. They be yapping.

They need to be euthanized

"Just be yourself."
*Tries being my true self*
*boos from the crowd*

Trump losing the Nobel Prize to a woman who fought against what he is trying to become is poetry.

A yellow line depicting half of Palestine still under israeli control.

The terrorist apartheid state of Israel has violated ceasefires 962 times, but sure this one will be different even though Palestinians are only allowed half of their country.

I accidently clicked on a Kid Rock video and now my phone is an empty Marlboro cigarette pack with a meth pipe inside

Sorry. I can't be in your skircle

a man with a mustache wearing a blue and white shirt is making a surprised face ALT: a man with a mustache wearing a blue and white shirt is making a surprised face

I like being obese and dumb as a rock.

I'm doing it

You cannot eat the entire earth but it is fun to try. Oh no. I have broken my jaw. 😑

Would you rather
1. shit blood til you die?

Or

2. Watch the kid from the Babadook perform the same magic trick every day for eternity?

Just drank a fifth of Ecto Cooler. Dare me to drive?

Why do movies now-a-days suck ass and look like shit

I wish Canadians loved me in the way that Germans love David Hasselhoff. They would welcome me into their homeland with open arms and compliment my rad leather jacket

And you get back stage access, as it were😏

Acoustically farting