NANCY IS IN A OPEN DRAWER, WRAPPED IN A BLANKET AND SHE SAYS JUST ONE WORD…NO

NO

Things are happening faster than I can embroider them

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

wait, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 Bill Clinton??

The U.S. lost an average of 11,000 jobs every week in October, per CNBC.

The committee from The Good Place arguing: “He's got a point. The fair thing for us to do is just keep on giving up more and more stuff we want, unilaterally, until this demon is finally happy.”

Suburban Mom Wows Family With Most Androgynous Look Yet https://theonion.com/suburban-mom-wows-family-with-most-androgynous-look-yet-1819575789/

i want america to be this crazy about literacy

Amazon is planning to cut as many as 30,000 employees, starting tomorrow.

The corporate giant made nearly $60 billion in profits last year.

Children of divorce get to have two 9/11s

I would like to start having fun again

Tweet that says “i do not want to save to onedrive. i want to save to the documents folder. on my computer. that i have. in my house.” And it’s quote tweeted by @old_ric with a still of Hank hill talking to someone at the counter of a computer business center

“Sleep tight”?
You mean, like, rigor mortis?

In Chicago, four vehicles descended and eight ICE agents moved in to kidnap a child.

She screams, “I’m 15,” as ICE yanks her from the car and kneels on her neck.

This is not about immigration enforcement.

It's about terrorizing Americans.

Scrappy Doo shaking hands with SATAN.

Never forget Scrappy Doo worked directly with Reagan to distribute crack cocaine into the inner cities of America.

l'll bite. What are the "New York" times

Smokers will “slap the box” before smoking to make sure you are watching

well well well if it isn't the blowjob brothers

A black and white photo of a baseball game, you can see that it is mid pitch with a pirate at bat

Wife brought her 100 year old film camera to that pirates game from a few weeks ago and she got this shot that's just perfect

A bronze statue depicting Donald Trump & Jeffrey Epstein holding hands has appeared near the White House in honor of ‘Friendship Month.’

(📸: Joe Heim wapo.st/4gFthvN)

great news! you're not actually seeing karl rove, john yoo, and david frum criticize the administration's lawlessness more stridently than dem leadership. you, reader, were infected with rabies by a brown bat 36 hours ago and this is all just the virus working its way through your nervous system

JUST IN: An independent United Nations inquiry has concluded for the first time that Israel has committed genocide against Palestinians in Gaza and that the country’s top leaders have incited genocide, in what it described as “the “most authoritative UN finding to date.” https://cnn.it/3VjaHzS

[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*

You know I keep that thang on me

anything you want to say to me you can say in front of my AI-enabled wearable (it's my tamagotchi on a necklace that has not been fed in 18 days)

By age 30, you should have a magic act, your own ministry, some prostitute friends, and an omnipotent, all-loving father who orchestrates your crucifixion

Sitting is the new smoking, sitting is cool as hell