Sarah

That was a grossly unpleasant 3 miles. Pitted out a tshirt in November. Had a random dog approach me and bark. Didn’t even see any deer. What a waste of a fall evening.

I will trade you. This sucks!

Ok this sucks. I’ve had cooler walks in the summer.

But really, fashion aside, it’s too warm to wear a jacket

Approaching the major road I pass to get to my quiet walk, I’m behind a couple walking arm and arm. I get closer to pass them and I can see the rhinestones on the Barbie pink jacket one is wearing spell out “Asian dyke.” My neighborhood is rad.

Walked outside to go for an evening walk. It’s dark and November 9 and it’s oddly warm. My app says 70, and I’d say that’s close. Unfortunately

We’re dying inside because the world sucks and I take it as a person insult. I’m refusing this. Starting now.

At this point, if an earthquake disrupted, they’d end it. It’s been o we since it started. 😬

At this point, I told him an earthquake stopping this game might be a blessing.

Asking for Nephew #1 who is wondering if the 49ers would automatically lose this game if the earthquake swarm gets bigger. 🤣

Real question for football people? Is there an equivalent time in football when a game is considered complete if it has to end early for an emergency or something? Like, it won’t be replayed. The leader will be the winner?

Not only do I get to see mom, Nephew #1 is here. My day has vastly improved!

And in yet other news, I'm gonna go see my mom. And do laundry, Two things that are very overdue

Dude, I'm rough. And I SEE it! I'm functional and I'm generally happy and generally enjoying life, but I'm.... dull. I'm not so dark that I can't take joy in the animals on campus or the fun things our students are doing and spending time with family/friends, but I'm just dulled

I also saw that post about sheet masks and a skin care line for CHILDREN, and the defenders were all like "why is ok for adults to self-care, but we can't teach our children like that?" We have lost the fucking plot.

That makes me feel a bit better. I like to be in tune with my surroundings and I'm already feeling a bit too tuned out.

In other news, I need to do therapy for a bit. I need a re-tune really badly. I know my problems, I know my angsts, I know the things I should do. But I think I'm overdue to hear it again from someone else to break out of this.

The powerful didn't take away frictions for our simply enjoyment. Bread and circuses, for your power and profit at my expense. Gotta break this.

So, yeah, long meandering thoughts about my own shit, but how I'm really seeing it in relation to larger issues. The world sucks and the craving to be distracted or numb is overwhelming. And we've made it too damn easy to do that. And that's what * they * want.

I need to add some friction to sugar. My consumption of that is really not good and I feel like crap because of it. But my inability to moderate is clear and my habits need adjusting. No one is going to do it for me.

I made the choice to add some friction back to some things. As a Californian, I can get booze anywhere. But I don't buy anything at the grocery store. I add a stop to get anything, which means I don't often. I set Instagram time limits to try to combat my urge for that sweet dopamine hit.

We all have some degree of addiction in our personality. Unfettered access to sensitive, habit forming things is just not good for us.

Gambling was limited to our every other year trip to Nevada (mom always saved our cans and bottles for the gambling money). Then the super lotto came to California. That became another issue. First once a week, then three times a week. So much money gone.

I grew up around weed. I also grew up with an alcoholic. Weed was for special occasions. The gin was for every day. The easy thing to get was the abused one.

I walked in my very busy neighborhood yesterday and the number of non-sober people I saw was disturbing. Felt like the opening scene of Shaun of the Dead. If you need to be high at a farmer's fucking market or to run Saturday errands, we've got problems

This news is an extension of an unpopular thought I had yesterday... frictionless access to vices was a bad idea. Don;t get it twisted, I still believe in legalization of most things, but the lack of friction is causing a lot of problems.

Was a shallow one or something? That 100% was big enough to feel even over here.

I was completely loafing around and didn’t feel a thing. Am I broken?

We live in a horrific time and it’s so bad I can’t really grasp how bad and I feel like I’ve compartmentalized into an ostrich.

I mentioned I was coming off a 12 day work week, and when I was leaving, I realized my massage lady threw in an extra ten minutes. She’s the best. And I’m jello