Frovo

lol yay!

WALTER LANTZ: what should i name my cartoon bird

ANIMATOR: boner bonedick

WALTER LANTZ: what no

ANIMATOR: stiffy stiffwang

WALTER LANTZ: absolutely not

ANIMATOR: woody woodpecker

WALTER LANTZ: i love it

Gemini: Sorry you didn’t get raptured. Jesus was going to bring you until 10,000 people signed a petition against it.

There are so many ways to stop Stephen Miller. We should try them all. Alphabetically is fine.

You could fit my limited vocabulary into a really small thingy.

he died doing what he loved: being first in the clown car

him: let's shake on it

me: ok *spits on hand*

him: why did you spit on my hand?

ATTORNEY: are you sure you two can’t work it out

WIFE: he calls blue cheese “blooch”

ATTORNEY: i’ll draw up the papers

KOOL-AID MAN: *breaks thru wall* ohh yeahhh

HUMPTY DUMPTY: ohh noooooo

the tumble setting on a dryer can be used to make cement but only once

a sleeper cell sounds so tranquil, let me take a little nap right here

"Can't beat the view!” I think as I'm blown out the airlock.

LAUREN BACALL: you just put your lips together and blow

HUMPHREY BOGART: *holding nintendo cartridge* i know how to get it to work lauren

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life. Transform a man into a fish and you enable him to roam the cool waters of the Atlantic, free from the burdens of the human world

despite all my rage i am still just a rat coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just fine

t-shirts can tell you so much about a person. for example, this one shirt lets you know that i am a dodger fan, that i like chocolate ice cream, and that i don't know how to get chocolate ice cream stains out of t-shirts

ugh so sorry my friend

ROMAN: what’s the temp outside
OTHER ROMAN: LXIX
ROMAN: nice

Halloween Costume Idea:

Sexy Government Shutdown

DMV Worker: Stop staring at your phone while I take your driver's license photo

Guy: But this is how I look when I drive

actress tilly norwood has been deleted after being found unconscious next to a script containing a mistyped wildcard. she was 0

Waitress: what’s the matter hon

Mary Shelley: i don’t know what to call my new book

Waitress: maybe some lunch will help

Mary Shelley: okay i’ll have a hot dog and a beer

Waitress: one frank & stein coming up

Mary Shelley: wait what did u just say

MOM LEAF: omg you changed color

KID LEAF: yeah everyone's doing it

MOM LEAF: oh so if all the other leaves fell off the tree would you do it too

I don’t see why reality should be allowed to affect me if I don’t want it to

Bluesky feed is like

------------------
we're doomed
------------------
we're doomed
------------------
we're doomed
------------------
cute kitty!
------------------
we're doomed
------------------
we're doomed
------------------
[adult content]
------------------
we're doomed
------------------

a lane on the freeway only for people who need to pee really bad

you should have to pass a basic IQ test before being allowed to use self-checkout

guy in 3000 bc: remember when tools were made of stone 🪨 now every thing is bronze 😡 we used to live in cave ⛰️ now we sleep in hut 😪 instead of hunting ox 🐮 we make them pull plow 🌾 who else wish we could go back 😩

just thinking about the first time i met Dr. Goodall. I was at the Dallas Zoo and ran into her out of the blue. I told her I was a huge fan and I'll never forget her response: "I am not Jane Goodall. I'm not even a woman. Please stop shaking my hand."

that's just how Jane was, incredibly humble.

ME: where’s waldo

BUFFALO BILL: wears waldo

FULL MOON: weres waldo