Frovo

(guy watching The Leftovers for the first time) umm none of this is food

occasional reminder that the only people who would want to protect wealthy rapist pedophiles are wealthy rapist pedophiles

TEACHER: do you know what estimate means

STUDENT: not exactly

TEACHER: yes you are right

STUDENT: about what

TEACHER: also correct

STUDENT: …i guess

TEACHER: wow you really know your stuff

Your honor we're requesting a change of venue to the international space station because how good would that be. Lol we'll all call you Space Judge

Draw a why. Take your how for a when. You'll be what your who. I promise.

how many ambien is too

[in the back of a police car] are you guys mad at me?

getting my just desserts sounds delicious

The thing about baseball chants is that I actually do want a "belly itcher." That would be awesome.

Seahorse ➡️ Sawhorse

SON: dad what’s the difference between present tense and past tense?

ME:

EDDIE VEDDER: *drops a flintstones chewable* ♪can't find the vita man

✊

bsky.app/profile/frov...

you can’t sit in a recliner until you have clined the first time

[date]

ME: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat

DATE: thanks! i'll have a mai tai

ME: *glaring* you float a boat with water diane

stealing from the undead is called a rob zombie.

[pulled over]

COP: you were going 55 in a 35 zone

ME: no i don’t like those numbers you’re fired get me a different cop

Me: *makes the "roll down your window" motion to ask for directions*
Car full of millennials: *doesn't know what that means*

OLIVE GARDEN WAITER: is everything okay here

ME: *pointing at both ends of my breadstick* what the fuck are these

my guess is she has something really really bad on him and is getting concessions to keep quiet

Eddie Vedder, struggling to make toast: can’t find the butter, man

ME: ♪baa baa black sheep have you any wool

BLACK SHEEP: yes sir yes sir 3 bags full

ME: holy shit a talking sheep

why is it called the Subway website and not the URL of Sandwich

*steps over a pile of laundry* parkour

WIFE: ahh the baby is coming

HUSBAND: we need to get to the hospital

WIFE: hurry call us a cab

DAD: you’re a cab *eyes go wide* oh god

Me calling the office: I can't come into work today, my grandpa just died

Boss: what? you've already used that excuse twice. how many grandpas do you have??

Me: [turning on my grandpa cloning machine] plenty

and you can add as many links as you want with deck.blue by using the [text](link) syntax without wasting your 300 characters!

GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: hi grayfish

GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: u said that already

GOLDFISH: said what

[inventing turtles] let’s do a lizard ravioli

[birthday party]

MEDUSA, rubbing the bridge of her nose: who got me a Pet Rock