Frovo

the existence of zebras implies the existence of zetitties

shouldn't it be called givethanksing

brining the turkey in Monster energy this year to offset the tryptophan

*gets out of bed* parkour

DEFENSE LAWYER: *whispering* whatever you do don’t say you’re guilty
KOOL AID MAN: *nods*
PROSECUTOR: did you do it?
KOOL AID MAN: OH YEAH

i haffa go peepee your honor

ⓘ you have been visited by a Jerrypost ("the temples are the sideburns of the forehead.") repost or face six years of bad posting

Got my tetanus shot updated so it's safe to step on all my favorite rusty nails again

marriage is getting woken up from a nap so your partner can ask if you’re still napping

Good morning to everyone except the guy with a cordless drill who’s chasing me though my house

MRS. SCHRÖDINGER: hey where did my cat go

ME: wanna hear a joke

BSKY REPLY PERSON: a what

k thanks

*narrows eyes* did a 7-eleven write this

*gets last year’s thanks out of the attic*

they should make a Hey Arnold/Peanuts crossover where charlie brown finally kicks the football but it turns out it’s arnold’s head

muppet starship troopers could fix us

finally

the correct way to pronounce "pantomime" is "panto" because the mime is silent

I'm always surprised to open a can of evaporated milk and find anything there.

absolutely

goatee should be spelled goatęę

Top MAGA Influencers Accidentally Unmasked as Foreign Actors A new feature on Elon Musk’s X has given deeper insight into the online “America First” movement.

It’s hilarious and revelatory that a bunch of giant MAGA/America First X accounts are actually based in Eastern Europe and Nigeria.

it’s called 7-eleven because it’s open 7 hours eleven days a week

apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy

brotisserie chicken the rotisserie chicken for men

The Distracted Boyfriend meme, but their heads are now: Guy - a wide-eyed cat Girlfriend - a cat tree Red dress woman - a Christmas tree

It's that time of year

WIFE: the doctor said i need a hip replacement

ME: *opens thesaurus* how about “chic”

If you bring your fancy peanut butter to the Home Depot paint dept they have to mix it for you

babe, listen, I need you to bring me $15,000 cash and my passport. I out-pizza’d the hut and they are after me