Mental Errorist

So far I think we've learned that Hesgeth's qualifications for Secretary of Defense are that (1) God has forgiven him for any of the drinking and sexual assaulting he's done and (2) he really wants it, so stop being mean.

Her: Let's go for a walk

Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on

Her: Baseball in January?

Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball

Her: You could've just said no

Him: When they slide into home they use a sled

Her: *leaves*

Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!

Already?!

Does he know he said raw milk 2 times?

(also: kitty floof)

So...back?

Oh noes!

Do you ever wonder if Gordon Ramsey has a satisfactory meal? Like, goes to the movies with his kids and *doesn't* berate the staff for his popcorn being too salty?

Can I recommend a horror movie?

Bizarre capitalization, but very accurate.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas, provided that the workers can regain the means of production, or at least a decent wage + benefit package!

Unionize Christmas! Socialize cookies!

Like it was assigned to him?

This is really bad

www.nytimes.com/2024/12/15/b...

I'm 100% on board for the cute animal misspellings. It was just excessive.

...or, you could have said nothing, and the world would remain the same.

Mate, find a better thing to whine about. This is just sad.

Put your whole post and a link, because now you seem like am enagement-farming dickhead. Say the thing or don't. Link or don't. Don't tailor them to post-lengths.

HE'S CHECKED THE LIST TWICE, GUYS. Just calm down.

Land doesn’t vote. Stop pretending it does.

"Superstition" by Stevie Wonder.

Non-Fiasco.

With MAGAs, you just reverse every word to get the truth:

“When Americans chose Donald Trump in one of the narrowest popular votes in history—49.81% to 48.33%—they sent a muddled message. It’s time for either no or incremental change, and the worst place imaginable to start would be Tulsi Gabbard.”

Anonymous source have informed me that Nancy Mace once got so mad at a Starbucks cashier for not saying "Merry Christmas" that she shit herself all the way into her shoes. She then put the shoes in her purse, at which time everyone started saying "you stink shitpurse" and she cried

Doctor: So what happened?
Me: Guy at the bar stabbed me when I was trying to defend my wife’s honor
Wife: No
Me: I rescued a baby from a fire and the fire had a knife
Wife: No
Me: Tiffany came on while I was cooking and I started dancing and accidentally stabbed myself
Wife: There it is

Accurate:

Just saw an argument online about 3D-printed arms and I’ll be honest it took me longer than it should’ve to realize what the argument was actually about

It's like tipping the audience for coming.

Today’s monologue

Happy birthday to the 3rd most over-rated "poet" in American music.