Urban Pantheist

Is anyone concerned that Trump is acting like “if I’m not gonna live forever, no one’s gonna live”?

I told my therapist about it and he basically said “yeah your job is impossible lol”

It is impossible for me to describe my job neutrally without it sounding like I’m bitterly complaining

For bravery in facial hair

Basically all that’s left besides Wilford Brimley characters

Realizing I’ve become too old to dress as a cartoon dad is not a great headspace for this Halloween party

I didn’t really need a reminder that a “young republican” is a 40 year old who thinks hitler is cool, but here we are again.

For the 1500th time in a row, I realized too late that I am insufficiently tall to attend concerts that do not have seating

Looks good to me

Support state universities!(by paying their outrageous parking fees and/or tickets)

Coming in on my day off to drop in on the party for our beloved departing ceo, still found myself taking fried dough away from the dumpster peacock

Chuck D and Jerry Garcia

The left wing circular firing squad is just a metaphor

I hope everyone enjoys one channel with nothing but Oral Roberts and Hee Haw.

I don’t like Christmas, skiing, or being cold. What’s the best alternative for trying to enjoy the winter?

Oh, and release the Epstein files

Let’s stop talking about this right on right crime and let them sort out their own mess

Based on all the performative upset and rage, especially on behalf of the president, I’m calling this one a false flag.

The fact that people are pretending that they believe all life is precious is nauseating

Number 2 is a fly, number 4 is a golden digger wasp

All the animals you like to look at depend on all the animals you don’t

Blessed be.

I wish it would rain, this global environmental catastrophe is impinging on my monetized hobby 🍄🍄‍🟫🍄

Just had the weird feeling of delight at witnessing a new-to-me insect behavior then contort into dread as I realized that I’m the pest control guy and it’s my problem now

One thing I’ve learned from working in pest control: size estimates accurately reflect the degree of fear, not the actual size of the animal in question.

Tide pods have a strong odor that reminds me of my father in decline. Clothes washed with them keep the scent and even bestow it to other clothes when washed together with a different detergent. I’m glad I just reek of sweat these days, maybe my BO will overwhelmed the pod stench.

Kicking myself because I didn’t correct my neighbor spouting nature misinformation (she was not talking to me) as she passed my house. You are almost certainly NOT allergic to goldenrod

Oh, you allow social wasps to live on the ground all the time except for breeding flights? you want ants? that’s how you get ants

Why is it that the only lullaby that know how to sing is about a baby being blown out of a tree?

Me: yellow jacket traps don’t solve the problem.
Also me: order 3 more cases of yellow jacket traps, maybe that will shut them up