Bean Ponderer

got a nice email from someone in austria asking me to rotate a Leberkässemmel, an austere meatloaf and mustard sandwich on kaiser roll i was previously unfamiliar with. i figured what the hell, let's rotate it and rotate it fast

After 10 minutes we should be allowed to cuss at movie trailers. It should be socially acceptable.

Would you hire a gambling addict to run a casino? An alcoholic a brewery?

The first question in the interview for someone who is applying to be the CEO of a social media company should be "do you use social media?" And any answer besides No is disqualifying.

None of this seems good for our country

Everyone in the Whitehouse is on drugs. And not recreationally, 24-7. Do you have any idea how annoying a man can get when he is always on drugs? It's insufferable, red faced and sweaty, yelling as their default, incoherent.

I have created an AI that spams takedown requests. I will sell it to every studio.

He really is the millennial Forrest Gump. A dumb guy who doesn't know what is going on from one moment to the next, but somehow ends up rich and we're all supposed to think "good, he deserves it".

Would I be allowed to buy up a bunch of commodities at pre-inflation prices and resell them now? That's about the only thing that would interest me.

Realizing now that the goofy comedy BBC guy in Ghostwatch is wearing a Chicago Bears winter coat, which is so odd.

This sign is on every British pop case and they love it that way.

Medbeds are the alternative to Medicare for all. Every Democrat who rejected single payer was working towards this singularly stupid moment.

It's just all kindergarteners who take the white house tour and assume he is very old and knew her personally.

More people are famous, on a mild level, thanks to the Internet. But by no means everyone. The rest of us DO, however, have improved odds of getting one of these moderate luminaries to look at us with disgust. Which counts as being seen!

Reporters got really used to just opening Twitter, looking at trending, and then immediately starting writing. Intellectual atrophy.

New favorite find are the Goblin Bets boys

Only the one;

Those taking backshots will never stab you in yours.

Throat goat?

Pizza rolls are millennial coded, zoomers are mainlining cog

Wisconsin Dells never capitulated to fascism.

We've all done a 180 on lowtax, so maybe ebaum was the good guy after all.

Dril?

Root beer is a Sunday soda. A soda for sipping. Not something you down on your half hour commute to get some caffeine on a Monday morning.

I don't think, however funny it would be, that we should award a posthumous Peace prize to Trump in 20 years for his pivotal role in creating a permanent peace between North and South Korea.

Outlook does you one better and sometimes when you click log in it takes you to a page that says "thank you for logging out"

It's just that, I noticed you grabbed a salt packet and one of those individual ketchup dip cups. Now I could see you wanting the ketchup so you can put extra on your burger. Sure, my wife does that every time we go for burgers. But the salt? I figure you must've planned to get fries.

Sedevancintism but for a podcast

Nepal’s Social Media Ban Backfires as Politics Moves to a Chat Room

The situation in Nepal is incredible. The government tried to ban social media last week which led to violent protests and the prime minister ousted.

Gen Z protesters then met in a 100K strong Discord chat where they elected ex-chief justice Sushila Karki as the interim prime minister.