Michael Meir Saltzman

Marceline EXPLICITLY calls herself a vampire. There is literally nowhere the Count is referred to that way

I would love for these critics to actually take these courses and realize how stupid their little fantasies about them are

It’s vampire essentialist

He’s vampire flavored

Look, do you think I'm GLAD that Bari Weiss is heinously terrible at her job? Well you're right, I am

It’s insane how many aunts he sexually harassed and also aunts he let die in old folks homes too

I cannot believe someone handed Mamdani a bag of chips with an aunt stuffed inside

(Quietly muttering to self) I will not argue about if the count is a vampire I will NOT argue about if the count is a vampire it’s PATENTLY ABSURD HE DOES NOT DRINK BLOOD OR DIE FROM SUNLIGHT NOR IS HE UNDEAD

This is a real thing that a judge had to say to the Chief of US Customs and Border Protection.

crazy it is almost as if weiss has been promoted beyond her ability

i cannot believe that “mamdani calls a close adult relative an ‘aunt’ even if they are not literally their parent’s sister” is what counts as a “scandal” these days

(Exclusive.) Bari Weiss this week clocks up four weeks on the job as chief booker (sorry, editor-in-chief) of CBS News. Breaker hears that she has unimpressed staffers with a series of bold ideas in the 9 am call. Last week, following the jewel heist at The Louvre, Weiss suggested they interview author Dan Brown. Staffers questioned what expertise in the matter Brown would provide CBS News viewers? Brown is well known as the bestselling author of the 2003 mystery novel, The Da Vinci Code, about a murder at The Louvre. On Tuesday’s 9 am call, Weiss suggested a story about how people who are scared of climate change aren’t having children. “She is showing her worst self,” one CBS News journalist told Breaker. “People are running to avoid her.”

Lmao what (from today's Breaker newsletter)

update: 😭😭😭😭

People didn’t even like NYC after they all pretended it was their own hometowns that were actually under attack and gave their local cops tanks and shit

"That’s something Democrats have been slow to entertain: Picking big arguments designed to stoke conflict and controversy can jar low-information voters out of their algorithmic torpor and get them to take sides themselves."

YES

The actual finding here is that a huge percentage of the population believes things that are not true. Democrats objectively did not spend significant time on climate change or LGBTQ issues in the last election campaign.

America’s pastbedtime

Like I’m sorry for all of your suffering but also god i wish bluesky was always this good

I'm telling y'all, middle of the night delirium posting is where it's at. Much better experience on here

8 hours for work, 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for baseball

BY GOD THAT'S SANDY KOUFAX'S MUSIC

Yes

probably worth ruining my day tomorrow so I can stay up watching funny comments about a long game in a sport I don’t follow

This is genuinely the funniest my timeline has ever been

Screen grab of two posts back to back: Emily Andras @emandras.bsky.social • 2m The fruit plate is warming up ••• Cody Ziglar @yayforzig.bsky.social • 2m Let the fruit tray take a few swings

I refuse to look up what is going on but this is incredible to observe

I’m not mocking! I’m just horrified and amused

No wait… it’s you all that are in hell. Now I think I’m understanding

Wait so from what I’m gathering am I correctly understanding that technically a baseball game could just never end like field of dreams but they’re all in hell or something?