Chabby D

I think we should manipulate other people

Oh you tricky tricky kitty! 🤭

This holiday season tell your nana Jesus was a butt pregnancy.

It’s part of your charm or something. (It was about confronting an ex)

My bitchitis is flaring up again

If you’re cold they’re cold, my zipper is down. That explains a lot

I had a dream about you last night.

You’ll be hearing from my attorney.

ME: I met someone 🥰

FRIEND:

ME:

FRIEND:

ME:

FRIEND:

ME:

FRIEND: it’s a therapist, isn’t it?

ME: it’s a therapist, yeah

I only follow people who want to bang me.

Hello 9-1-1? I had to shovel my own stairs and driveway tonight. Please send someone ASAP. Also, ACAB.

"You okay? You seem quiet."
Shut up! I'm looking for a pattern that looks like a face on your leopard print leggings

Please respect the terms of the restraining order Charlie Brown

The only reason I would ever become Santa is to bare ass fart on the pillows of my enemies. Marry Christmas, you got pink eye in your stalking motherfucker

With a great butthole comes great responsibility.

Stop reposting my reposts, Charlie Brown.

Not to brag but I was on butthole Bluesky before it was cool.

What's the matter babe? You've barely touched the consequences of your own actions.

Sending out past due bills as Christmas cards this year

No one is more dangerous than someone who finds out you haven’t yet watched a critically acclaimed show that they just finished binge-watching.

Put 400 hours into BG3 and still did it finish a single play through. Pretry sure I started a few dozen, and still constantly think about finishing one

Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Jeffry Epstein

You wouldn't like me, I eat snacks in bed.

The intermittent speed on my windshield wipers is either, wipe once every 12 days or wipe 12 times every second. There is no intermittent.

We are having measles outbreaks because this country (usa) is suffering a bad case of are you fucking kidding me

*passes scrambled eggs into your mouth while we kiss

This warms my heart

I don't need to be right. I need all of the facts to be correct.

I think I'm mentally stable enough to handle main for awhile. I'm sure that will change shortly... stay tuned

Impressed she didn’t trip over her own clown shoes

After saying “what” for the third time and still having no clue what they just said, is it okay to just crumple up in the fetal position until they go away?