Robo Justin (Updating to Win98 any day now)

Fellas, Dana is awesome, and will probably lose her shit that I've QP'd this (sorry my friend)

Last night I dreamt I met God but he teased me about wetting the bed

this is true 🩸

I'm pretty sure that pumpkin spice is used to repel fall pumpkin vampires

My wife asked me if her clothes shrank. So I yelled "smoke bomb" and ran away.

I have to do that with peanut butter m&ms whenever I want a sandwich

Sitting on the porch all day peeling and pitting a whole family size bag of peanut m&ms

Sounds like they wanted to get it right

Dagnabit

thinking of saying one or two swear words this weekend

I struggle with my outlook on life. I saw a woman go into Costco today without a cart and I didn't know whether to admire her optimism or judge her foolishness

I know that this is unrelated, but they sell super large garbage bags at Costco and I know where you can find a shovel

Let the man live a little

Playground tube slide boarded up and labeled “slide closed.”

i really hope someone empties it out at the end of the day

he has the opportunity to do the funniest thing

I just want to know if any of the new maps are really the old maps but presented by people named things like "Dewert Sadams" with obvious fake mustaches

This is a literal fresh take

@maybeline.bsky.social are you hiring

post-rapture earth seems pretty cool until you realize all the dogs will be gone

Way to rub it in. Or is that why your still here too?

beauty is in the eye of the butt holder

pfft this rapture could’ve been an email

YouTube video by BlondieVEVO Blondie - Rapture (Official Music Video)

The video is a tutorial of what to expect
youtu.be/pHCdS7O248g?...

Woke up alone this morning. Not because of the rapture, but because my partner is on a business trip and is still legitimately better than me, but for a different reason

Me: Hey I got you a new scratching post so you can stop destroying the couch

(My cat chuckling with one paw on my shoulder): "oh heavens no. nonononono, haha. nooo."

A toddler in a pretty dress and pink ribbons crouches next to the wheel of a car.

“Look kid, it’s simple. The faster you get the tire changed, the faster we get to your friend’s birthday party. It’s really up to you. I’ll be in the car.”