Jimmy Buffet the Vampire Slayer

Nvm my glutes have been caught lacking and I’m going to sculpt on friday

Rico Nasty entering her Cutie Girl Era is detrimental to my workouts… I’m tying to get screamed at!!!!

Just the THOUGHT that someone might be out there, more hydrated and moisturized than me pisses me off. Where’s my Stanley cup

Kind of over boutique group fitness. 25 dollars per class is giving bourgeoisie and im not about to be beheaded over a spin class

Almost bought a Skims bra but navigated away from the page when I remember Kimberly Noel Kardashian loves Trump. Tbh she should send him skims promo bc he’s NOT even snatched

Just bought a madras print skirt. Everyone have fun wearing your madras print skirts 1 year from now

downloading this before a flight is solidarity

The Babysitters club should have been illegal under this country's antitrust laws. Very unfair to the other teen girls in Stonybrook who should have been able to make money babysitting. Kristy u will be dealt with

The Polo Bear has been cast as the new James Bond!!!!!!!!

They stopped letting people smoke on planes bc people started showing up to the airport in their pajamas

Gen zs obsession with “the brain developing at 25” never made sense to me except for the fact that that was the year I became repulsed by both Goldendoodles and my ex boyfriend

ICE agent is one of the most embarrassing jobs you could have. Fucking Clowns

I just gave a book 3 stars and said it was “pretty good!” Bc a respected mutual liked it and I didn’t want her to think I was a hater

Okay my goodreads account is popping ON rn bc I’ve read five two star books in a row. Do not come to me with suggestions rn I’m struggling

I simply can’t attend any functions that I am invited to at the last minute. I need a week to mentally prepare

I took yesterday off from girlbossing and now I don’t ever want to work again

Pilates instructor complimented my form today. Unstoppable

I deleted it. My favorite movie is watching 90 minutes of tik tok

Piper no!!! Tsunami!! Buddhism!

I need a nemesis. Not enough competition holding me accountable for these Pilates classes

I had one glass of wine and just struck up 5 texting convos that I will stop responding to in a half hour

Shut up bitch

Everything you like, I liked a year ago

Today I am perplexed by the man in my spin class who chose to sit front row center and then proceeded to ~do his own thing~

At the dentist… time to get my teeth criticized

Twitter needs to be nuked

So what happened to those big ass drones

Ah the weekend, time to kick back with a bottle of Not Your Father’s Rootbeer and listen to Mumford and Sons. I love living in 2012

My hair looked so good at the Sabres game that everyone turned towards me during The Star Spangled Banner and stated saluting and cheering

Box Car Racer was for Girls, Blink 182 was for boys