Drew Veling

Advantage of cats over kids: you can tell them who is your favorite without any guilt whatsoever

You know what’s great, though? Stuffing your own olives with blue cheese for a snack. Feeling fancy and working-class at the same time

It’s really hard to push back against an anxiety disorder when we’re about a month away from major economic recession. And I hope I’m wrong. Please. Tell me how dumb I am. Give me evidence then insult me about it. Spit in my mouth. I’ll even pretend I hate it.

Now that I have glasses I catch myself looking over their rims to “get a better look” at something all of the time like a cliché of a fool. I know I see worse without my glasses; why do we all do this?

I’m going to try to avoid just spouting off about headlines all of the time because I’m not a news source, but the United States deported children with cancer who are citizens this week. If you support these fascist bastards you can go fuck yourself.

I don’t want to get my cats canceled, but I think they’re sexist. They scream at me every single time I cook…

Apropos of nothing, today I learned the term “dead cat bounce”, the small and brief recovery of the price of a declining asset, which came from the aphorism that even a dead cat will bounce if dropped from a great height. Also, why is history so mean to cats?

His solution, if any, will be the same as his Covid response: if we stop testing, the number of people with autism will go down.

I am jealous of people who regularly enjoy tea. I’ll bet their lives are together in a way I can only dream about. I have coffee with breakfast and by the time I’m home from work it’s too late for caffeine. I can hear my poor neglected tea collection judging me from the dark depths of their cabinet.