@majorflake.bsky.social
I'm probably afraid of you. (I agree w/Buddhists who love Christ but find Christians so strangely un-Christ-like. I don't like seeing people lied to.)
Lmao
20.02.2026 12:37 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
07.12.2023 02:23 — 👍 263 🔁 86 💬 5 📌 0That was a joke.
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
That was a joke.
I know if my jokes aren’t appreciated my palindromes will definitely not be either.
Glad I explained that because it’s like they say, “the best jokes are the ones you have to explain.”
That was a joke too. Glad I explained that also. (Again, a joke. That I’m glad I explained.)
If you guys can’t appreciate how clever I am lately just wait til I start posting original palindromes.
19.02.2026 17:05 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0lol. I wanna do it rye!
19.02.2026 17:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0It's first-world anarchy, baby!
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
It's first-world anarchy, baby!
Stick it to the man.
Speak truth to power.
Drop it like it's hot (when my pimp's in the crib, ma) drop it like it's hot.
Football? I've never been to a Football. Do I need to get a gown?
19.02.2026 16:45 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0LOL!!
It really should be called HandEgg!
I'm gonna start calling it that.
===
"Football? I've never been to a Football. Do I need to get a gown?"
Let me explain football:
U need to get ball as far to other side as you can. But other guys wanna stop you!
And there's a guy called a quarterback, & somehow he's the most important guy to throw the ball (?)
And sometimes something special happens & they get to kick the ball into this giant fork.
I bullied my stepdad into doing this 😆. He was like "No! I won't."
I was like "YOU DO IT"
I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
15.02.2026 08:11 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
Ever hear Tom Waits' "Martha" (no one I've met didn't love) when he calls girl FORTY yrs later (& u 100% know he did) it's stunning.
Learned "Meat Loaf" (dumb name) large but sexy singer who was just UNDENIABLE, covered it.
Well it feels like actual opiates in my body...
youtu.be/Dj7HRf6erFE?...
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Truth 😆
15.02.2026 19:17 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0And the source of the admiration is always important!
Someone on Twitter (I still call it that out of spite and login almost exclusively to bully Musk) posted screenshot of being blocked by him.
It was fake but OMG I would have been beaming in delight for a literal calendar year.
"Tragedy is when I stub my toe.
Comedy is when you fall into a well and die."
-Mel Brooks (paraphrased, i don't recall exact wording)
Oh god yeah this old thing
15.02.2026 08:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Why is it so sexy to be an "international jewel thief"?
If I rummage in someone's drawers to find their grandma's necklace, that makes me an asshole, but if I use the money to buy a plane ticket home, all of a sudden I'm a suave James Bond type?
lol I think something about the word "heist" makes it mysterious and thriller-adjacent
15.02.2026 08:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Oh yeah there's that expression. I don't think that was in my unconscious when that thought floated to the surface though.
I think it was more like I want the mafia to kill me, lol. I'm not joking...
"I hope someone breaks both my legs" is an actual thought I just had, verbatim, fully articulated, seemingly out of nowhere.
Wtf brain
Someone called me a "fckn scumbag" on reddit last night.
So I'll be riding that high all week.
LMAO
15.02.2026 08:13 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I hope all 3,500 of you didn't like my last joke because you're literally dead.
15.02.2026 08:11 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0Lately when I write a post I really like it's a fairly reliable indicator that other people will not think it's as amusing as I do.
15.02.2026 08:07 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Bearrister
A bear who is a lawyer
You guys...
You can refer to Rob Lowe as "Raw Blow" right to his face, and he won't even know.
You can call the Dalai Lama "his holiness the Dolly Llama," and no one can stop you.
NO ONE!!
