PolyMaus

Why is it always "I'm sure you'll find a girlfriend soon" but never "the local farmer has promised his daughter's hand in marriage to whoever can bring him the fattest pig"

Me in high school: Yeah I'm a pacifist I just believe in non-violence you know?
Me after a decade of living under overt fascism: Here is a list of public figures I composed ordered by how painful their death should be

Dominions 6 moment

When I grow up, I want to become the dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis.

Coworker: Hey, you takin' it easy?
Me: No, I'm taking it hard. I didn't mean to say that

The year is 2029. Three men are in a gulag and begin discussing why they were put in there. The first man says "I wrote an article against Will Stancil." The second man says "What?! I was sent here for writing an article supporting Will Stancil!" The third man says "I'm Will Stancil."

Cis male who constantly posts about his ovulation cycle

Good news, they all called out hungover this morning 👍

My mom forgot the term for "de-aging" while watching ads last night and said "Wow they're youthenizing everyone" which I think is a much better phrase for it.

Stayed up late on Saturday for a wedding and stayed up late on Sunday to watch the Patriots lay an egg. I should catch up on my sleep by mid-to-late April.

Punch punch punch punch punch punch (I am punching my own head which has appeared before me)

Before you are given a driver's license in Massachusetts you have to place a solemn vow to never obey a yield sign.

Out of all of the parts of my body, my skin is the only part that hates me as much as I deserve.

God, if you're listening, please know this: I can absolutely be trusted with the ability to teleport and an unregistered firearm.

I know that posting is art because when I scroll through Bluesky I spend the entire time horny and angry, which is what all good art is meant to inspire.

I saw one of those "I bought this before Elon went crazy" bumper stickers in the wild today.

It was actually pretty funny though since it was on a Honda Civic.

Me, feeling depressed: Maybe I need to start a new video game
Me, playing a new video game: Hell yeah I can't believe that worked

Ah yes, Disco Elysium

A text screenshot. The first text is from my father, saying "OK. I'm giving you one more chance to redeem yourselves. Observe the screenshot above where I thanked ChatGPT for giving me the best method to share videos on Zoom with optimize bandwidth and audio. I prefer it over asking a person to be perfectly honest. It's friendly, respectful, and no nonsense." The second text is from myself, saying "Redemption opportunity declined, if ChatGPT had a face I would punch it in the nuts."

From a family groupchat, just in case you're wondering how I feel about generative AI.

Not to say that I'm out of shape, but my body wasn't pleased when I shoveled 2 feet of snow last time, and I doubt it's going to be any happier to shovel out another two feet this weekend.

widely criticized[by who?]

Have you seen Eraserhead

My walkway at my apartment was finally cleared! No more trudging though 2 feel of snow to make it outside, shout out to yelling at your landlord every day to get an issue fixed!

Don't worry everyone, I know how to fix this situation, I learned it from watching anime. Please look for the most traumatized, mentally ill teenagers you can find.

Yourself but as a cartoon

Keep this in mind the next time you see a fawning article over a person of color living in the city who "left the left" and is now a conservative!

My uncle is an old white man lives in rural Tennessee, but his politics are progressive left. Many of his friends and family share his politics as well, and they live in the same area.

Can you believe that he has never - not ONCE - been interviewed by a newspaper regarding this?

"What are you gonna do, overthrow me?" - Benito Mussolini, 1943

*undooms your yaoi*

I love it in a show or movie when a character says "I think I've earned the right to be little upset." It's like yesss girl, get mad!