🌘 Dad Moon Rising 🌒

‘Tis the season for the Jays to win the World Series.

wife: do you think you can handle that?

me: yup, most definitely...what was that?

My mind is like a yard sale

there are things that still function but you don’t particularly want them in your house

If you’re a nazi you have to tell me

It’s the law now

😂 I definitely mean no malice or disrespect to people with that name. I almost went with Edith, another name that isn't much in use anymore. Love is good and we need more of it no matter what it's called 🙂❤️

lasagna is spelled wrong

her: our love is making me so happy I'm going to give it a name. I'm calling it Mildred

Bon Jovi:

People that take life seriously have no idea that life laughs at them behind their back.

It wasn't me, is something I say way too often.

Forget "15 minutes of fame"..... I'm just hoping to get a mental disorder named after me.

At my age, the older I get, the uglier I'm willing to go out in public.

This wedding could have been an email.

Daria as Zendaya on the cover of Vogue Magazine.

magazine covers ft some familiar faces: thread

Giving out major “don’t sit next to me” vibes at this party.

disembodied spirit entity in the streets, ghost in the sheets

I could be skinnier but then I would just be hungry and that doesn’t sound like fun...

Stop scrolling, and post two characters who bring you happiness.

Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness.

[Biker gang initiation]

Me: hey fellas, do you use baseball or hockey cards in your spokes

Yawning! At the Punk Show

AWS shoulder bag with strap not connected

Not sure what's going on but my bag stopped working this morning

I only just found out that October is Cargo Securement Awareness Month so I ordered bungee cords from Amazon

I want to know just enough of every language to recognize when someone is talking shit about my outfit

Any time a post flops I just reskeet it like, oh you missed one, assholes.

*getting murdered*

Is this because I unfollowed you?

Wish there was a champions medal for running a daily three-legged race with anxiety and depression.

fish n chips smoothie ❤️