a ball of goof

Ash from the evil dead in a promotional poster holding an ax and a shotgun

happy ash wednesday

An irrelevant and poignant sensation of pleasure rose in him, like a tree that grew up and flowered all in one moment with its roots in his loins and its flowers in his mind.

i want a girl with a short skirt
and a looooooong rap sheet

Dance like people are watching and you’re trying to make them upset

behind-the-scenes photograph from the set of the original 1954 Japanese film Godzilla (titled Gojira in Japan) the director is talking to the person in the Godzilla suit, who is surrounded by models of towers of electric wires.

"The electric lines represent the power of social injustices that I ache to destroy?"
"No babe. You just fuck shit up."

believe your eyes on a peace sign

reminder

COWEN: The stupidest question possible: Why don't we just make more GPUS? ALTMAN: Because we need to make more electrons. COWEN: What's stopping that? What's the ultimate binding constraint? ALTMAN: We're working on it really hard. COWEN: If you could have more of one thing to have more compute, what would the one thing be? ALTMAN: Electrons.

These are not serious people.

[On a date]

Me: *screams in the combined voices of every life form I’ve assimilated*

Her: wait are you a Thing?

I only tried an app once. Good texting and phone calls. 1st and only date was boring as hell. After date, on the phone, she fucking talked marriage

Cracker Barrel is just Waffle House for people who can’t throw a chair or a decent punch.

i dont think anyone experiences romantic love after 35. like your genes dont activate that feeling anymore because you should be dead by sabretooth tiger attack by now

Her: What's your body count?

Me: I haven't killed anyone yet.

If delivery services actually start using drones I reserve the right to use electronic warfare

USMC SAW gunner, 2026, in full kit:
“Ew, Starbucks?! Really, bro? The coffee at Exquisite Creatures on Ash Street is so much better than Starbucks!”

Me in Kabul, 2012, holding a monkey’s paw:
“I wish the military didn’t have to always deploy to shit holes.”

tomorrow is Yom Kippur and you’re supposed to read the story of Jonah but the only thing we have is a Norton edition King James Bible that I have from college so I’ll be reading Father Mapple’s sermon from Moby Dick to my six year old

The young guys i know do not understand this

If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized

I’m stupid, arguing with me is completely pointless.

[Werner Herzog voice] Charlie Brown seems surprised when Lucy pulls away the football, and yet he knows that failure is his destiny

Mira is on a stellar 23 year old run of not tomahawking anybody, I think she deserves to have a few as a treat

Everything I do is for the sake of enhancing my lore and making my obituary interesting

Not all demons have horns, some have nice tits

Cat: meow?

Me: I don't know how to explain better that you literally just ate fish, you are literally stuffed full of fish. You physically cannot eat more fish, just look at you.

Cat: meow.

Me: No time does not work differently in the "cat dimension" that is not even a thing

quick while the government is shut down let’s all switch to metric