Bill McFarlane

Same for my torso, arms, neck, head, hands feet and thighs.

Tough day for me - the horny birthday card I made for a sex trafficker went "viral"

He was their CI helping them take down the real sickos. Of course they have to protect him.

I'd roast my dad for wearing those, too.

Everyone wants to see the jeans. A camera operator tried but no luck. We need to see the jeans.

People are afraid of AI but I think they're forgetting that a computer can simply be turned off.

JD Vance sucks. No charisma, always wrong, horrible eyeliner.

This Father's Day, all wives in-the-know will quietly restock the freezer gin.

Devil wearing sunglasses emoji. Let's make it happen.

Season 11 of The Great British Baking Show is the horniest season yet. Judges, hosts and contestants all cannot stop talking about fucking. Incredible television.

Trying to explain to my wife that you just don't put whipped cream on jello with vegetables in it because then it would be a dessert jello and green bean jello is a main course side.

My old ass gets more excited for the pie crust than the pie filling.

A food show contestant that makes a jello for every round.

Rich guys that support science labs get shit on ALL the time in movies. For every 1 in real life there are 15 movie villains.

We are the only species to observe and understand evolution precisely because we're so bad it. The least evolved life forms aren't capable of thought and they're fuckin crushing it out there.

Appliances in my house that tell time, ranked by comfort level:
1. Oven
2. Microwave (1st floor)
3. Basement digital clock
4. Thermostat
5. Kitchen wall clock
6. Microwave (2nd floor)
7. 2nd floor wall clock
8. Coffee maker

Something they don't tell you about becoming a parent is that the vocalist on the Kidz Bop version of Uptown Funk is better than Bruno Mars.