Doug Ankerman

Hilarious!…

NHTSA warns drivers of counterfeit airbags.
(Pictured) Fake…

This week marks 75th anniversary of comic strip “Peanuts.”
Seventy five years…and Chuck’s hairline shows it.

President’s speech to Generals about incitement of violence against Americans…specifically, Food Network’s “Halloween Wars.”

Trump is invading Portland strictly for the coffee.

Jared Kushner part of $50B buyout of video game giant Electronic Arts.
Ivanka to be cover of Madden NFL 27.

Nothing smells better than when someone is makin-bacon.
Er, let me rephrase that.

Two semi-trucks collide in NJ tearing open cargo, spilling thousands of M&M’s across the highway.
Luckily they melt in your mouth—not on the road.

Today is National Professional Housekeepers Day.
Definitely NOT celebrated here!

Also trending title on Pornhub…

Over 800 athletes competed in Hawaii’s annual “Waikiki Rough Water Swim.”
Or as sharks called it…”Buffet.”

Dinosaur eggs found in China dated to be around 86 million years old.
Still fresh enough to be served at Waffle House.

TODAY IN HISTORY
1624- 1st submarine tested in London.
Hardest part—finding volunteers!

It was announced Joe Biden’s presidential library will be built in his home state of Delaware.
And have NO stairs!

Apple releases a slimmer version—the iPhone Air.
Also slimmer—your wallet.

Flipped over Trump’s card to Epstein.
It was from Hallmark!

High-tech medical device controls my IV flow…

Tesla raises price of most-expensive Cybertruck by 15K…and reduced driver’s penis by an inch & 1/4.

The White House has launched an official TikTok account…allowing followers to see the fun, lively side of Stephen Miller.

WINNER WINNER…

Movement illustration of baseball pitches…and sperm cells

Ohio Dept of Natural Resources said once considered rare sightings in the state, these three species are returning…bald eagles, bobcats & Dollar Generals.

Saturday is International Whale Shark Day.
(Proof that body-shaming occurs even with predators.)

This fall, Mississippi high schools no longer require U.S. history for graduation.
Eh might as well, our current administration doesn’t acknowledge history either!

Here’s a clue as to where Immigration agents are lurking…

New study reveals Nevada among the WORST states to have a baby…but, among the BEST states to conceive one!

Colorado’s Ultimate Frisbee team volunteers its name “Summit” to incoming National Women’s Soccer League franchise.
Frisbee team goes back to its original name, “Lanky Neckbeards.”

Happy 35th birthday to actress Jennifer Lawrence, who doesn’t know she loves me yet.

TODAY IN HISTORY
1911- Proctor & Gamble introduces Crisco.
Hearts skip a beat—not at news, but bc of Crisco.

Trump knows faith like I know astrophysics.