Hugh Keogh

I do not enjoy the casual gear worn by TV football presenters. You are on the telly not down the pub for quiz night. Sake.

"I was married but I'm not married anymore. Women don't like the vehicle."

If you try to follow them back they'll hide in a shop doorway pretending to read a newspaper

Omaze previous winners

Exorcist, 12 or 13 during its early 80s UK video release. Parents & those of a friend thought it was religious education

This was bloody magic

Ha! That Scottish Widows guess-your-age pensions thing underestimated me by ELEVEN YEARS. I am idiotically pleased & will buy whatever they are selling which presumably is the point.

Using this as child-friendly swear when I next bang my head on something

ChatGPT on Boris Johnson using it to write his books: "I hate him. I'd rather be making Last Of The Summer Wine fanfic."

Given enthusiasm & competence - and I lack both - I'd make a three course cylinder & ram it through the device

Ah I have also wondered about the cheese route. For this purpose yes.

Clearly the advert failed to include "No time wasters or hostile governments"

Ooh that sounds magic

What goes nicely through a spiraliser other than a courgette or a butternut squash? Ideally vegetables but would consider a frozen lasagne or a Toblerone

A Suitable Boy is great but it should have been a bit longer, maybe A Suitable Girl will address this

Tuesday

They've started playing 'I Spy' on DownDetector #Nodafone

Nodafone more like #morelike

Does the name Old McDonald not ring a fucking bell?

My enjoyment of the Women's Cricket World Cup is not enhanced by the voice they've given the Vitality dachshund

PSA: I just put on my slippers and A WASP was hiding in there, the satanic bellend. So maybe check your slippers to avoid a throbbing toe. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

This is my observation. Several herded on my salad

Flying Ant Day but ladybirds at the cafe in Oxleas Woods

Jfc Adam, what exactly is wrong with just putting the kettle on?

Remembering that this array of misery used to be a section in WHSmiths. WTF was wrong with us?

It's not looking good for a Ground Force reboot

Responding with this whenever I am asked to do some DIY

This is not progress

Correctly guessing the heating time for previously unseen microwave items p.s. including mid-heat stirring requirements even though such things are the work of the devil