Skill GAAP (Lady GAGAS)

Crushed by a flying car, what a way to go.

An email reading "make Halloween night deliciously easy with bjs"

great idea

Getting small: Dead
Getting big: Alive
Flossing on 'em: TBD

the two truths and a lie room:

1. i have never peed my pants at a haunted house
2. my buddy's parents own a haunted house
3. a haunted cornfield does not count as a haunted house

this is truly the scariest haunted house

HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR (over megaphone): Just put it down! Leave the beeve!

The lost pages of The Intelligent Investor.

For an extra $2,000 they'll replace the head fabric with a ratty burlap sack.

"I know not with what USB-D will be made of, but USB-E will be made of sticks and stones."

- Albert Einstein

i should be able to click a button at the beginning of a sports season that says “i’m normal” and i don’t get served any ads for crypto or gambling

Hidden Track 0 from "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love"

After you turn 40 you start grunting like the Quake guy every time you bend over.

It's whatever you want it to be, as long as you get a thumbs up for consent first.

Two Wall Street Journal article headlines. One reads "What can your toilet tell about you?" and the other reads "Afraid to try AI? These tech-savvy seniors will change your mind."

both links took me to the same article

I just use the browser version so that The Internet keeps the gig and then I can store upwards of 12 short videos on my phone.

Snapple used to go hard

slow fourier transform

"Enough with the chudler!" I scream at my phone as the phrase takes over my Following feed. It is futile, though. Shouting into the void. The chudlerposting refuses to cease.

The mashing of the baseball will continue until morale improves.

feeling wobbly and passing out because I've been on a 2000 calorie diet instead of a 2000 Calorie diet

I'm envisioning a Tim Robinson skit centered around this.

Is "2000 Flushes" a promise or a challenge?

Thing, are you alright? You have lost a finger!

If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.

lovely night for an evening, innit?

But Diddy I Love Him

YouTube video by Red2net C&C Red Alert - Prologue - Einstein Eliminating Hitler

There is a really good documentary from 1996 about the potential repercussions of this:

youtu.be/QfU1lYAIlWs?...

are Cal Raleigh and John Hodgman brothers

Vichy... America 😈

I've almost perfected my cheesesteak slurry. Pretty soon all cheesesteak joints will just need one can of Easy Cheese and one can of Easy Steak.

Punk in Drublic

(arrested in the Drublic Oblast, where spiked hair and studded jean jackets are outlawed)