@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
Toronto - Engineer
[blind date]
HER: I'm a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
[blind date]
HER: I'm a Nihilist
ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country
Your boss is Canadian?
30.10.2025 15:37 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0"Hey! You got monkeys in my peanut butter...
28.10.2025 20:30 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.
ME: My what?!
I accidentally started a Timber profile, and now I'm dating two lumberjacks and a guy that, I think, just sharpens saws.
22.10.2025 16:03 β π 3 π 1 π¬ 1 π 0Wait, you didn't let me finish... that's what happens.
16.10.2025 19:54 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0[blind date]
HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?
ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!
Happy "Canadian" Thanksgiving (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
13.10.2025 00:38 β π 8 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
A white fan base
I just realized I have a predominantly white fan base
12.10.2025 16:11 β π 17 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0[Veterans Hospital]
GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?
ME: Haha, wellβ¦interesting story
[Lab]
MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?
DOCTOR: We'll call youβ¦Frankenstein
MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name
DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it
Like I'm gonna give my recipe away
08.10.2025 00:16 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Flattery will get you nowhere!
07.10.2025 18:17 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I'm a slave to tradition
07.10.2025 18:17 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
I have once again pulled off the perfect Chicago style pizza
07.10.2025 16:43 β π 94 π 7 π¬ 3 π 0I think I'm pretty smart, but I refuse to join MENSA until they recognize WOMENSAs equally!!
06.10.2025 21:34 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
BREAKING: Loser changes tack
06.10.2025 17:22 β π 3 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0We don't like this β€οΈππ
02.10.2025 20:56 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0SCARECROW WIFE: Did you pick up milk?
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain ifβ¦
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?β¦Say it
My mechanic said I needed "new bushings," so I slapped him across the face! The nerve!
01.10.2025 15:19 β π 5 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0Is...is that you, Dora?!
30.09.2025 13:05 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0If Dora the Explorer meets Where's Waldo, they die.
30.09.2025 02:05 β π 9 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0Guys would rather do The Rapture than go to therapy.
28.09.2025 01:31 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0To all you "glass half full" people out there: You call that optimism?! Half full?! Maybe try a little harder.
27.09.2025 15:31 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0[blind date]
HER: I love the fall
ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming
COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there?
ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down?
COP: I'm listening
Is it true that even Bluesky is at risk of censoβββββ?
18.09.2025 22:06 β π 6 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0
I'm in if you'll invest in my new product: Grampaphonesβ’, Humongous Headphones For Grampas...
18.09.2025 18:49 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Is anyone interested in my OnlyGrams page?
18.09.2025 17:19 β π 6 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0
