Sam Handwich

marble

my iq is ERROR: INTEGER UNDERFLOW

perhaps rfk jr talking about how he has the meats

i like the idea of a series of famous political quotations but also ask as a humble subscriber that you include the arby’s slogan

every time i hear “we talk about the issues” i think of the arby’s slogan “we have the meats” (complimentary)

i certainly prefer my pedophile hitlers to be senile rather than full of youthful vigor

Or the unchangeable default to time/date format for any random cell with numbers and dashes that happen to be a valid date

i crave highly polished. statuary marble.

🚓🚨 woop woop pronoun police 🚨 🚓

go go abbott wheels

The benefit calculation should also include the (perceived) benefit to the employer… along the lines of team building, earning good will from employees, etc. And the perception of the employees. “Every employee gets $100” seems more fair than “pick your favorite 2 children”

Equality of outcome (all families get to come) vs. equality of opportunity (all families get 3 tickets). But as a parent I would prefer to ditch work sponsored events entirely. Just give all employees equal wads of cash to use how we want

my wife watched House of Dynamite and was so mad at the ending she immediately cancelled netflix lol

And, like, maybe scrub your goddamn reddit posts?

432 Park Is Cracking Up Developers wanted the supertall’s cement façade to be a pristine white. Turns out that’s not great for durability.

Another victim of white (concrete) supremacy… go woke or building broke

i’m running for president in 2028, this is my platform:

- no more spam texts and calls
- smaller cars with weaker headlights
- imprison every person in ice and the trump administration on a remote island for a thousand years

we have got to start killing billionaires. is the first line that the villain speaks in the novel im writing. really though, in the real world, we have to kill these people. he continues

I think the poster is joking around, suggesting that people who like Jamelle’s work will intentionally annoy him to fish for an invitation to chat

Tweet reading “ummm hey me and the other crabs in the bucket have noticed that ur actually getting near the top. and like so sorry but that's lowkey problematic:/ bc like we'll still be in the bucket : (| sooo yea if u could maybe take accountability and get back in the bucket”

problematic crab

“Years of lead…supplements” - @bdowney.bsky.social

who up carvin they gourd

doing a fire/ice double feature with two dogshit movies, THE LOST BUS and ICE ROAD: VENGEANCE

“he’s comin’ right for us” i mutter as i mow down a toddler

YouTube video by The Onion The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein

Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile starts... now.

how do u even compete with this level of propaganda. and why tf do these vril guys love tatu so much

portland frog you smoke too tough. your swag too different. your rubber suit is too bad. they’ll kill you portland frog

this sucks dick

“You have selected REGICIDE”

A Bluesky post dated Sept. 4 under the account name "guy who gets shot in the head one hundred thousand times a day" matches the description of the post included in the court documents.

every poster whose skeets get read in court should be required to have a username that is this funny, at bare minimum

ALAB (assigned lawyer at birth)