surdfish

Moots’n Doots’n boogie!

I'm going as Smirch for Halloween this year. Hope no one makes fun of me

The sweet smell of free trade 🤧🤪

Oooo, fancy. My asshole thanks you.

I got you, Jenn🩷 They're Hello Kitty brand, extra-quilted ply from Japan 🧻🤗

I wish I could have stated that I could finally fart with confidence.

My butthole told me otherwise.

If I really like you I’ll let you feel the dent in my head

His beard was like a temper tantrum. Her breath was better than her playlist. They made love in the Kohl’s parking lot.

The killer won't be caught. We were all very tired and depressed. "I'm the killer! I killed them!" he eventually yelled. But none of us could even be bothered to get up off the couch and arrest him. Seeing our lethargy, the killer started to cry. He joined us on the couch. We watched Netflix.

me: omg goth bath bombs

santa: that’s charcoal

Has anyone checked on Costco? They haven't emailed me for nearly 40 minutes

I'll smirch you right on the forehead, surdy!

🤗 mornin sunshine ✌️🤣

Be the smirch you want to see in the world.

I'm so glad my crew at work are a bunch of awesome people. I'm surrounded by a bunch humble good guys and it gives me life

Up with the owls and coyotes

Enjoying Australian sunset a man called Glen said to me over his beer that I looked like princess di and me being emotionally fecund asked if I looked like a dead body and I’m sorry for ruining your beer that day Glen

Your Honor, they habitually commented on posts they didn’t like or share.

[cumming] oh no not again

"Tron Goes to White Castle" is the next big sequel.

🧻🩷

y’all ever farting so loud at night that them thangs wake you up and then you get hit with the smell and it knocks you back out?

Younger me sure thought that a lot more bad people would get punched in the face

im working overtime to make sure
theres enough jokes for everyone

Moots Doots?

i was making out with somebody and they tongued me their gum and said it has been chewed for over two hundred years and now i have to find someone else to pass it along to or i will become a gum monster but then i just spat it out cuz thats gross and now my whole body is sticky and im downtown putting dirty pieces of gum in my mouth trying to find the right one

The eternal battle between my circadian rhythm and the algorithm.

Our macaws are good talkers, but more importantly they're great listeners.

In fact take my body who will, take it I say, it is not me.

hardly any floppy disks remain from shakespeare times