Your Beautiful Boy

We can all agree that political violence is wrong, but let’s not pretend that Charlie was simply exercising his First Amendment right. He was stoking hatred and violence towards specific communities. It was meant to incite violence, which is not a protected right.

I'm holding my tongue for now, but if you fuckers in the media don't stop trying to eulogize Charlie Kirk like he was Ted Kennedy or Bob Dole I am going to tell everybody what I think about that hate filled son of a........like I said I am currently holding my tongue, for now.

NOT CRACKER BARREL?!!! Where will right-thinking whites get diabetes after church now?? Heaven forfend!!!!

Studies have shown that nearly all humans long achingly for a time, long ago, when we could respond to children (aged 30 or younger) with the simple phrase, "Shut the fuck up. I love you. I understand what you're going through, but you legitimately have no idea what the fuck you're talking about."

Whatever happened to those guys who drove a golf cart down to the Titanic a few years ago? Did they rescue any of those people from the iceberg?

I just can't keep up with the news anymore.

The cabbage patch guy who wrote that book a few years back just wants a break from his wife, and those motherfuckers are trying to burn his plan. Don't they understand that this is America?? Fuck Greenland.

What the fuck is Greenland? I've never seen it. I've never touched it. I don't know where it is, or if it even exists. All I know for sure is that whoever lives there is rude as shit.

Everything is computer!

fun fact: drake is the only musician in history to be almost killed on television twice

The digital infrastructure of the United States Government is both critical and fragile. Many of us who work in digital government have been trying to figure out what’s going on as norms and protocols are being subverted — Thread on some of what we know so far:

God damn, cake plate at the bakery!! I thought we were friends.

My octopus (name is "Jimmy") LOVES cocaine.

Please do not ask "Jimmy" for cocaine.

This octopus LOVES to share his cocaine with friends. He will give you some when he is ready. (Has eight arms, is nice, I do NOT give him the cocaine.)

If you're a person who is well known and highly regarded for being an irredeemable asshole, and then some nobody calls you an asshole right to your face when you haven't done anything to deserve such an honor, is it cheating to include that in your career record?

I think it's cheating.

A couple of months back I bonked my skull on some concrete. Made a full recovery plus bonus IQ points. Did forget many of your names. Five out of five. Would recommend.

If I (me as a ghost) told you, I would be endangering your very corporeal existence. I can't do that in good conscience. Live your life well. Leave with an honorable death, regarded by all as a good man.

Can't tipe. Dead.

I'm on the way, brother! Mom won't get me this year!

Mom doesn't know computer, but I'm as serious as a heart attack. Why aren't you and all your friends following me yet?

I need like a half million followers by 12am EST or my mom says she's going to murder me. She showed me the knife and indicated where it was going (my liver). Please don't let me down, fam.

Broken bones heal. Having your mother know that you're a rapist doesn't.

I hope we can start having a conversation about how to publicly humiliate these guys. As a dumb dude, my inclination has always been to physically hurt them. Now I realize that we should be telling their parents, their wives, and their communities about what they did, and probably continued to do.

This series has been incredibly good journalism and commentary.

The beginning of the first episode crushed me. Nearly every woman I have ever loved or been close to has had a similar experience.

In this season of Christmas, bring your friends close. Stare into their eyes. Ask yourself; do they deserve me? Are they even real?

What happens when you ask the nice lady at the grocery to make you a special cake with strawberries instead of raspberries? I don't know, but I'll be goddamned if I'm not about to find the fuck out.

When your shit gets crushed, like real bad, should you just touch it? I think you should just go ahead and touch it.

Someone I trust just told me that I should take my government name off of this in case anyone ever reads it.

I think I'll take my chances.

Also, I don't care for Italians- except for that one guy.

Make things up and say them to your wife. Jersey-Lou-Jesus. Pushgaloot.

Try to behave as if you aren't completely fucking insane.

She will love this.

Girl at the pool table sez to me, she sez, "that chick over there just yelled at me because the bump I gave her wasn't big enough. She's a lesbian."

Take me to the mall like one of your French girls.