jeb haus

screenshot of a sky writing website, sky-writing.com. there's a waving american flag, an angry bald eagle, a huge screed of text, and two example images of words written in the sky, one that says "I (heart) you" and the other says "Hooters"

i'm a firm believer that when you're advertising your own trade, you gotta put your best work forward. open with the type of work you really want to do, that best represents you and your personality

beetle

beeble beeble beeble beeble

yawn. so bored of these stories. call me when there’s macroplastic in my body. call me when there’s a green army man in my balls. call me when I got a tech deck in my brains

adversity breeds innovation

trump kicked elon out of the white house he was so sad about it he made a new AI anime girlfriend and mean little animal friend. and coming soon: the moody pervert.

cute cat Pete on cute couch, he sleeping but his eyes are closed and you can’t distinguish any features, he’s just a dark void of black

the pain of having a black cat: how many times a day do I try to get a cute pic of pete and then realize that he’s just an indistinguishable void

in the video for "Your Body Is a Wonderland", John Mayer serenades his lover next to an Adobe Illustrator 10 guidebook

I told everyone I had gone out for lunch, for Mexican food, but they wouldn’t even smell my breath to prove it! and I shit regularly in the mornings, and they’re normal shits! I feel like I’m going crazy

my identity has been stolen, my privacy invaded. it’s disgusting! someone was wearing the exact pair of shoes and pants as me and they were apparently letting all hell loose in the employee toilet. they left a mess so big it couldn’t be flushed. they were crying and sounded just like me, WTH!!!

four panel comic. kermit the frog's rainbow connection being sung throughout. 1: a closeup of kermits face, but it's speckled and veiny. 2: people in a theater covering their eyes and crying. 3: a nude man on stage with a green penis he's contorted to look like kermit the frog. 4: exterior of a theater with "MUPPETRY OF THE PENIS" on the marquis. a child is pointing at it and his parents are ushering him away

comic time: why are there so many songs about rainbows?

four panel comic. kermit the frog's rainbow connection being sung throughout. 1: a closeup of kermits face, but it's speckled and veiny. 2: people in a theater covering their eyes and crying. 3: a nude man on stage with a green penis he's contorted to look like kermit the frog. 4: exterior of a theater with "MUPPETRY OF THE PENIS" on the marquis. a child is pointing at it and his parents are ushering him away

comic time: why are there so many songs about rainbows?

[guy whos just completely out of the loop on everything]
GOOD! now that she's is gone maybe they'll finally fix all the racism

just got a cease and desist from disney. lawyers were knocking on my door before I even finished typing “Muppetry of the Penis”

he's callin for backup, there's some delicious green horse shit back there and we need more big boys in full tactical gear to come lick it up

thinking about inventing a new color: Purple 2

A dark, rough four panel comic. #1: two figures at the top of an old cellar entrance. It's all black and white except for yellow light at the entrance. "Montressor! It's down there? Truly?" "Indeed Fortunato! You stand but a flight away from..." #2: A glass and bottle of wine on a barrel, strangely colored yellow, surrounded by darkness "...Amontillado! I'm curious what notes it raises to your lips. Hazelnut? Dried fruit? The salty ocean air? Or perhaps..." #3. Fortunato brings the yellow glass to his lips, satisfied look on his face, but Montressor continues "...my piss?" #4: Fortunato shocked, spitting you the piss and spilling the wine. Montressor is behind him shouting up the stairwell "He did it! Fortunato drank my piss!!" New figures can be seen at the entrance, their laughs ringing down the stairwell.

it's down there? Truly?

an inspiration..

orc city isn’t just the setting, it’s like one of the main characters too

“You watch a lot of stuff without me”
– My husband, who released an album without telling me he was a musician

Mayor McChi McBride

me and the boys all heading down to the wishing fountain with our piggy banks. terry has pennies because he says the more wishes he makes the more likely he’ll get one to come true. i think dollar amount matters so I’m using $1 coins. jaydog is just gonna huck a hundo in there, he’s crazy

failed my piss test :(
(couldn’t get it in the cup, made a huge mess in the bathroom)

millennials just love to travel

F#m fan coming in peace, but I think this is a great list, I'd rate it a 5/4 :)

grave digger driving in front of the supreme court building, there's a big brown splat underneath its tires, yucky! looks like poo poo

he was so young... and so happy

I've heard of tipping your doordash driver but this is ridiculous !!!!!!!!!

An extreme promo graphic for two big cats, a parody of those insane bully breeder graphics. The text says BigBalls Cattery: Pillsberry (2x Buzumbuddy) and Chunkaroni Gold (3x Chunkxilla). They're separated by the ground cracking in twain.

screenshot from a website About page talking about how people and community lies at the heart of everything they do, with an illustration of two hands really going at a big bulging, buxom heart

people on average are "community minded" about 10-20 times a day. i for one am thinking about lifting up the heaving, substantial community right now