grampire

Headbutt buttheads.

AI couldn't ever match my favorite book: The Boyfriends of Chickamauga.

Some of the shrimp I got didn't have the poop vein fml

*coming out of total amnesia* "It's coming back to me now. I think I'm...oim...oim Bri'ish, innit?! Brilliant."

The great whizbang technology of Star Trek is actually empathy. Plus the laser

The Farmers Dog just makes a bag of stew and mails it to your animal. You're the sap who pays for it.

Burger King has gone fucking nuts: the chicken nugget game has been turned all flipside upside down

Write a song about it please

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE is a great franchise but if you're an innovator like me no mission is impossible

I bet cavemen 500 years ago never had to deal with this bullshit

Feels like the name "Ned" should be short for something. Same with "Scott". Or "Mitt".

Historians have more or less come to a consensus that George Washington loved sucking dick and that the "wooden teeth" thing was a polite euphemism in high society

I'd love to be reincarnated as a tree or a motorcycle.

Ooze vs. Goop: a battle for the ages

Hillary 2028. Right? like who gives a fuck lol

i know a guy named Gabe Shitmouth. Imagine that. Going through life with the indignity of being named "Gabe"

Cock will make your butt more loose, but caulk will have the opposite effect. The homophone world is full of mystery.

He was pardoned by his father, Crow Biden

Gander Biden was arrested for smoking quack

The WNBA should also just be called the NBA, but it stands for No Boys Allowed!