threatlevelmidnight

Texas A&M helmets tonight = 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼

Syracuse, babe, what are you doing? Pony up indeed...

Using my work tablet to watch Wisconsin-Michigan while I wait to board a plane in a cozy seat

watching B1G Big Noon Saturday as god intended (hidden away in a United terminal at O'Hare)

oh cool, I'll have plenty of time to watch Wisconsin lose in a dark corner at O'Hare before my plane boards. #sadgirlautumn is here!

what are those gorgeous flowers? (perfect color!)

The gateway to Chinatown on Cermak & Wentworth in Chicago, greatest city in the world.

Life is short. Take the vacation day & stay a bit longer in your hometown on your company's dime. Do your bank account damage in the Korean beauty supply store while stoned. Eat dumplings on the street while listening to old ladies yell at each other. Fuck ICE.

Y’all really want me to believe that a woman who name dropped her boyfriend’s podcast in a song about his penis is some sort of lyrical mastermind??? Oh okay

There's a guy in the hotel elevator with me carrying 2 High Noons at 8:30am. Good to know hydration is a priority, it's gonna be hot today in Chicago.

that is a fact! Was so happy to catch it in Chicago while on a business trip!

a man in a suit and tie is sitting in a chair with his hands up . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting in a chair with his hands up .

All I can say about @theonion.com's documentary masterpiece, Jeffery Epstein: Bad Pedophile:

1st time I've caught Tess today on AUBURN/A&M (BANGER) and he's awfully buttoned up today. Did he get a FCC complaint for being Mr. Steal-Your-Mom?

The Illinois kicker drinks free for life in Champaign - damn

Nothing like the last minute of /checks notes/ USC-Illinois to wake one up!

my sad team is on a bye this week & today's CFB slate is so good - what's the most vibes-based game to start with today?

I can't remember the last time I bought tickets so fast.

I would gladly donate 3 annual subscriptions to friends in need, plus a $200 donation to a charity of your choice if there could be a critical "business webinar lunch & learn" on Friday 10/10. It would be an early birthday present & an excuse to decline actual work meetings.

this most "this could have been an email" thing i've ever heard

wishing yours the same, pretty lady 🥰

Friday workplace affirmation card before I deal with 8hrs of mansplaining

Today's workplace affirmation, channeling my inner @hollyanderson.bsky.social before I spend the next 8hrs having my specialty mansplained to me.

1) I love that @theonion.com knew I was coming home to Chicago next week so I could catch this wlin the greatest city in the world
2) I am confident that sharing this link & dropping "pedophile" & "sex house" into a work Teams chat will get me in trouble
3) super fucking worth it

get offline for 10min and touch grass for your own sanity

taking the advice I've given to too many people already today

It's the balance I need as a Wisconsin fan today.

Listen to "Head Over Heels" in the sunlight

If you have the means & ability, and your day is as full of "wtf are we even doing here"s as mine has been, highly recommend taking a walk and throwing on a GOAT song like this.

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

Bourbon-soaked peaches, grilled & served over vanilla ice cream; I don't like bourbon to drink much but it's incredible here, you can also reduce the leftover bourbon & peach juice to a syrup for the ice cream!

I knew watching Wisconsin get to their ass beat by 'Bama today but Joe "on my way to bang your mom" Tess' excitement is not helping.

Today's CFB slate has the potential to drive the most deranged (COMPLIMENTARY) activity on here; what game will take the crown today?

A white and orange cat with a neutral expression sits next to a microphone. The image is styled as a news broadcast with the label "URGENTE" in red, the word "Gato" in black, and a string of "Miau" repeated multiple times below. The broadcast channel logo is in the lower right corner, along with the text "LIVE" and the date "01 02 DEC."

Finally, news we can trust

After a long week of having to be "nice" and "professional" in meetings & on panels, nothing hits like hot, fresh trash food enjoyed in a quiet hidden spot with wifi, outlets & a table at the best US airport (O'Hare).

A snapshot of a table in my office with the Journal of Commerce and The Onion side by side for work reading.

It's important to stay on top of macroeconomic trends & current events at work.