𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜

Girl math is knowing you have a dairy sensitivity & use plant butter so you can eat cheese

Gambling at 39 is knowing if you twist a bit further you’re going to crack your back & either feel immense relief or nothing from the waist down & you’re like “yep”

Phew

😅😭😭

I love the film magnolia bc whenever I’m self sabotaging I’ll be like 🎶dreams can come true look at me babe I'm w/ you, you know you gotta have hope, you know you gotta be strohoohong

just said “goodness 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 wouldya look at those begonias” am I getting whiter

In my mind the final destination films are ab someone traveling & they’re on their 6th damn layover

Bought myself some peonies and 😍

If you love hearing white people say “gracias,” do I have a holiday for you.

Not sure the name of the plant but it has these beautiful medium pink buds and they open up these beautiful white flowers. They droops from the plant by these string like stems in clusters on the plant.

Can’t wait til the new baby has more blooms 🌱

[Young Gary Busey sleeping]

the tooth fairy:*into headset mic* wow ima need back up

linkedin post screenshot: Ken Cheng - I want to connect with you, emotionally) Al will never be able to write like me. Why? Because | am now inserting random sentences into every post to throw off their language learning models. Any Al emulating me will radiator freak yellow horse spout nonsense. 1 wiite all my emails, That's Not My Baby and reports like this to protect my data waffle iron 40% off. 1 suggest all writers and artists do the same Strawberry mango Forklift. The robot nerds will never get the better of Ken Hey can | have whipped cream please? Cheng. We can tuna fish tango foxtrot defeat Al. We just have to talk like this. All. The. Time. Piss on carpet

unfollowing everyone on linkedin except this guy

TRISCUIT BOX: recommended serving 6 triscuits

ME: *calculating* that's 18 scuits

Ouch!

Right esp when he was already tall!

Taxes are so judgmental like are you married [no] do you have kids [no] omg bitch do you even own a house

Rep. Steven Horsford to Greer: "So the trade representative hasn't spoken to the POTUS about a global reordering of trade, but yet he announced it on a tweet? WTF! Who is in charge? It looks like your boss just pulled the rug out from under you. There is no strategy ... is this market manipulation?"

I get it 😅

lol I’m like HEH HEH I hate myself but also HEH

Getting drafted for the trade war

[eating] heh heh you could say I’m forklift🍴certified

#DyingForSex is so incredibly good.
(hulu 📺)

After a doctor gets roasted are their colleagues like “time of death: 3:17pm”

Lynchian advice

Every morning

ROMANCE, I say, pressing cling wrap to half my face, turning up November Rain

YouTube video by Howie Mandel Does Stuff Clips Bill Burr and Billy Corgan Family Reunion Gone Wrong

Idk somekne told me that & this seems genuine but someone just mentioned it may not be true so idk 😭 m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkkT...

Unlike their scrolls (receipts) the texts are so short

😅

CVS Day 9

Image of text message from CVS that reads, “8 days left to pickup”

CVS out here keeping ppl’s meds on track with that “or else” energy