BronxCheer

"as it happens, it happens here in this house".

If you start fucking around in your 80s, you're far less likely to find out

Detective: It says here in this note that the reason she killed herself...is ah...Jesus.

Coroner: What? How could anyone shove a crudely sharpened spear horizontally through their own head?

Detective (shakily): It's another Spooky Scary Skeletons song earworm suicide. The 5th this week.

You can't satisfy me in bed,
you're not 7 pillows.

Tonight's dinner is called, 'I dunno, I'm making this up as I go along'.

it was the best of times it was the worst of times it was the why don’t doctors prescribe heroin for hysteria anymore of times

When I say I'm a man of substance I mean controlled.

Possessor (2020)

logging on

You white guys honking cos a car perpendicular to me is going thru a 4-stop sign intersection, GFY! I'm so sick of a half-century of your superior bullshit!

"We're living with decisions made by people so long dead we can't even piss on their bones". ~ T. Kingfisher, The Wonder Engine

When Gorgons wear a bra that is has a slight pushup, and that's lacy and flirty, ONLY THEN can you call them Demigorgons

An adorable sea turtle would be endearing almost

Haven't had a real good night's sleep in months now. So please, be supportive by banging pots & pans together as you're 'tidying up the kitchen' to be helpful. I suppose I can't be pissed about it, right? After all, you're just trying to help. Wives would kill for a guy like you.

No please, say 'like' more. Please. I love that. I like that.

There is no 'spear' in experiment.

How am I doing?
I'm listening to The Wall on repeat, how do you think I'm doing.

a cartoon character with a big belly has the letter e on his nose Alt: Fat muthafucker patting his pleasantly full belly.

Two briskets later...

Lucky stiff.

Sign saying 'no dogs allowed', to which I added, 'or birds', from an old Peanuts movie. Snoopy & Woodstock weren't allowed in someplace, I forgot where.

What a bunch a pussies

Alright who stuck the pill in my cheese cube?

Listen, I’m old and lazy. You can go to Mastadon if you want, but I’ll stay here to get ignored.

a cartoon hand giving a peace sign with two blue fingers ALT: a cartoon hand giving a peace sign with two blue fingers

aNOTHER social media app to post idiocies to the void?
I'm out, peace!

I have no idea what any of this means

Namastay away from me 🙏🏼

My very witty MegaBrain™️ has found the word UNDEROOS in my Squares puzzle and I'm very childish and had to point it out to everyone.

"Yeah! Something super cool in underwear"

[1970s]

CLOTHING FACTORY BOSS: make some pants that are really groovy

JEFF CORDUROY: okay

The difference between marmite and vegemite?

The vegemite hangs from the 𝘵𝘰𝘱 of the cave.

IF THE GOVERNMENT IS SO CLOSED WHY IS THERE SOMEONE STILL STOPPING ME FROM PUTTING STUFF INTO THE PARTICLE ACCELERATOR? ARE THEY DOING THIS FOR THEIR GODDAMN HEALTH OR SOMETHING LET ME COOK.

... but you suck at it