BronxCheer

My parents' stunningly handsome Siamese kitty cat, Clyde, sauntering by like he knows he's hot stuff.

"Are you wearing the --"

"--- the Chanel boots? Yeah I am."

For decades the Right has daydreamed about saving their country from monsters, they finally got the chance and it turns out they love the monsters. The monsters are even monstrous in the exact ways they fantasized about! You never have to listen to these guys about anything again

Used to play Words With Friends a lot but I just got tired of it. That's definitely the only reason why I don't play Words With Friends anymore.

The mind of the believer stagnates. It fails to grow outward into an unlimited, infinite universe.

the front right burner on the stove & i have a thing; i can’t explain it, but we vibe

cops can’t stand when you do donuts in parking lots bc it makes them hungry

My circle is so small, I talk to myself and laugh.

Good. We'll know exactly who the good ones are

I hear that was actually less a kidnapping and more like a deal to help them out a there 🤷🏽

Still pretty depressing we’re being ruined by dudes that couldn’t make a fish wet.

shaq missed a huge entrepreneurial opportunity not patenting shaquille oatmeal

Look, it's been hard for me to figure out how to talk about the difference between healthy masculinity and bullshit, weak, fear-based control fantasies, but BOY HAS THIS WEEK MADE EVERYTHING MORE CLEAR.

SUPERMAN: I have super strength

FLASH: I have super speed

AQUAMAN: I control sea creatures

GREEN ARROW: I tell cars when to turn left

The Night Manager 😄

I swear, from now on, I'm gonna hit first and ask no questions. I have gallons of hormonal rage just looking for an excuse!

Oh those soft lovie eyes 🥹🥰

Pull ur head outta yer ass and stop making fun of people wearing sox to bed. Hormones & below-average weather ain't a joke.

And it has to be on camera so no one starts any more conspiracies

just got off the phone with the irs they said file whatever you want this year nobody’s checking

Honestly, I loved it for learning something new, cooking ideas and LOTS of dog-related posts. We'll see what becomes of it.

I can’t explain it but eating raw vegetables when it’s cold outside really kills my vibe

sorry for reskeeting myself so much it’s just that yall wouldn’t do it

All we wanted was a taco truck on every corner.

Um...did you wanna super size those French fries?

you guys remember 'Winnie the Pooh' moms? I was one.

Ooh I need you to gag me and tie my hands...

... cos I haven't stopped eating all day.

A weighted blanket isn't gonna cut it i need to be run over by a steam roller

*wraps crime scene tape around america*