defn0tjess

can’t wait to hear this

24-0 at half against 2 time defending champs is crazy

go birds

instagram: “here’s a person you might know who is on instagram!”

and it be the most random ass person you’ve never met in your fucking life from the other side of the country

getting covered in tattoos is super awkward when you’re not covered yet like i promise guys im getting there

hey guys i’m happy to report i actually had something good happen to me finally :)

I've assembled a team of the most horrible perverts and criminals you've ever seen and we're going to fix this country

at the gym and my wife changed my music from my pc mid set

i’m so tired of looking at a little screen at work all day i can’t wait to go home and look at big screen for the rest of the evening

You can just shitpost at any time

The remote work debate was funny because it forced the question "Is a job something valuable you do or is it a place you go to be watched like daycare" and the answer for a lot of them was yeah it's the daycare thing now come on inside recess is over

why are some people just like that

hey what's that squiggly thing on the ground?

i don't know, it looks kinda like a w or m

-- how the worm got its name

need some good westerns to watch i’ve been playing a lot of rdr2

to sit on a gas station slot machine has gotta be a low point in life

An old lady fell at the grocery store today but luckily I already went down that aisle so this didn’t inconvenience me

just think how when you go outside you never really know who’s a gooner and who isn’t

time to start posting ass

water sports is the new coffee date

just go you’ll thank yourself later

it’s just the italians i don’t trust

i just want to feel happy again

you laughed at my joke, do you want to kiss

atoms actually can’t touch each other hope this helps

this is why i go to ihop

i just spilled an entire bottle of cherry coke zero. that’s my 13th reason. i’m really gonna do it this time.

as a friend