Clify

i mean whiskey is prob the only way i’ll tango or foxtrot tbh.

When your cat is sitting on you, all regal like the king claimed his land. Try to overthrow the king, I dare you.

Don't call her a man 🤣

folks, this is your captain speaking with an update on our arrival: air traffic control has gone home and they have rolled up the runways. the runways are gone. they were mats the whole time. but I want you all to know that it’s ok. to be white

Is it OK for me, a non-NYC person, to not care who is mayor there? It's fine to feel this way? All this debate makes me feel guilty.

using the extra hour to yearn

Toronto, you will not taste victory until you sacrifice Drake

Go jays

They're going to change the clocks this weekend and the president is powerless to stop it. Because he's weak and a loser. That's what they're saying sir

Maybe take a few minute break

Perfect body shape for a minion

Cheating on an exam by memorizing everything the professor taught in advance so I can easily answer all the questions

“hamburger Help me” is spray painted on a garage door

your god can’t save you now

🥳🎂

A large group of strangers is called a nightmare.

they should call it a wordtionary

[pulled over]

DOG COP: you ran a gray light

DOG DRIVER: but it was still gray when i went through the intersection

DOG COP: no it was gray

*subscribe

Can't live anything down

Damn, hate to see it

Went with the kid and haggled over pullet prices

Logged out of my facebook app after falling for and clicking 5 sora videos on a row.

Hate getting my hairs cut at great clips again instead of the cool local barber, but I'll be damned of it isn't convenient to go on a sunday

Quick question, is ketchup a sauce?

Went golfing... AGAIN

OK

Fill in the blanks with what comes to mind first

She folded up her fears like _______ and _______

Put down the phone, stupid boy, and quit working