Cousin slicing turkey with imitation hattori hanzo

Lol

I’m not the one posting about how much he hates the sport he covers on Christmas. Cope all you want you will be forgotten when you die

if i was William Hurt in Altered States and i got so high that it turned me into a monkey man, i would watch The Matrix Reloaded

Bill Simmons is still mad he doesn’t get to be NBA commissioner so his legacy is a website that exclusively hires writers who hate basketball

The swish of the ball through the net. The squeak of fresh kicks on the hardwood. The roar of the crowd as the impossible shot goes in. These are the things that piss off nba journalists the most

Tired of being a mote in gods eye. I would like to be upgraded to a speck

Feel like we’re not cancelling enough the guy at chess.com who decided their bot from Mexico should describe her style of play as “spicy chess”

Reshments

Ebenezer Screeb

The 90s were so sure about a lot of things (third way capitalism, rap rock, fruitopia)

Mr. Payback: An Interactive Movie - Wikipedia

Has to be this en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Pay...

I saw it last year for the first time. Very bad movie. So of course it’s beloved by wonderbread America

It’s dings

Ordered. My life’s in your hands now…..

The first book is about all of y’all’s dicks. Not mine though it’s normal

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog

Pet store employee: ok are you a guy?

Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla

Pet store employee: That is fine.

Grinch: A green gorilla

Employee: Doesn’t matter

Trying to find reasonably priced men’s socks that won’t fall apart in a year. Do not say the word Bombas to me it’s an obscenity to charge 60 bucks for a three pack of socks. Their ceo should be tried by the Sanhedrin

Don’t understand why that guy is alive. Every street corner should hide a Mangione for him. How is he not the most hated man in America

NIXON: Grinches... First, they'll try to steal Chistmas and then (unintelligable) ...and that's just the beginning, of course.

DEAN: (coughs) Right, that's... uh...

NIXON: Their hearts are three times smaller than ours, did you know that?

you ask a white person what their ethnicity is and they start bringing out the provinces 😭 [This Post Was Censored By Bluesky's Racism Filter; However, It Remains Preserved For Educational Purposes]

Santa probably smells rank by the time he’s done delivering gifts. Traveling all over the world in a single night wearing non-breathable fabrics? That dude is getting disgustingly sweaty

They treat him so abominably in the Halloween special

Anyway: Santa Claus was struck by an S-400 for violating Russian airspace over Donetsk. Donner and Blitzen have been extraordinarily renditioned to Yamskaya Troika

It feels a little weird to be posting on Christmas Eve but we did gifts and meal on Sunday because half the extended family has to work this week so 🤷

Santa is love bombing

The grinch had hoes. The government doesn’t want you to know this.

*putting on tiny spectacles and rifling through some papers* our records indicate you suck balls