“Da Shy Playa”

*spits blood bad ass-ly on the ground and wipes mouth*
Heh, a lot better podcasters than you have tried to get me into professional wrestling

Alice is always like "will Karl be there?" when I ask her to go places, and it's like yeah my sworn sword will be there, he's always there. She's so silly, "will he be in his armour?" No, I'm going to let my shield and protector rock up to the restaurant in a t-shirt, get real.

Why is my search engine thinking out loud? Why is it spitballing?

I do not like when music I like becomes part of The Discourse because music I like is not something you pigs get to have an opinion on.

The music I like is Holy and can only be discussed in hushed tones of reverence.

Thank you!

Mr musk with his beautiful bald pate of yore

Patriot Willis Thompson, scalping survivor, showing off his bald head

With respect, I think Elon Musk should submit to a public scalping.

Mr muck! We know you have superior genes that you have dutifully seeded in dozens of strange women! But many are saying your hair transplant is dishonest.

Be proud of your genes! Have your scalp removed with one powerful yank!

Screenshot from VHS tape, video frame at 321 seconds.

Terry 100 Channels : 321s

Yeah I asked TalkieBot. I asked BlabbyTron. I asked my WatchMeSpeak Flatter and Flirt Gossip Pal if the tone of your email could be considered hostile.

Me: God, what is the point of life?

God: You know how they’ll make a dog toy look like a mustard bottle or something, and it’s purely for the human’s benefit and the dog’s like buhhhh whuhhh. Well you’re the dog, and I love mustard, baby.

Nika Goltz (1925-2012)

After I died I had my bones stripped of flesh and boiled and my skeleton mounted publicly in a fearsome pose by my pediatrician who ended up being my doctor for my whole life because I never went and found a regular adult doctor after I grew up because I didn’t feel like it!

Avatar’s cultural impact is inspiring midwits to constantly bring up that it has no cultural impact

Chinese food looking like eraserhead baby

I have it on good authority this man was completely sober at this time.

Reports indicate Woke summoned a wily sprite to continuously pinch him on his “rear end” to distract and distress him, obfuscating his message.

Trying to win the game when the monster hits me <<<<<<

Former NOT FORMER! An observer who pays attention.

It’s nice you are notified every time someone reacts to a message in a group chat.

Your phone throbs in your pocket like the stirrings of some Goliath maggot. An overgrown infant insect twitches drowsily against your thigh.

I’ve been told I’m “not a good texter”.

A crude plastic toy of an astronaut. His spacesuit was probably conceived of prior to the debut of real spacesuits

My drawing of the toy

The Baby-Faced Spaceman!

Your comic has proven you are one of the blessed few who “get” the internet and should probably be in charge of it

Vintage illustrated postcard with a drawing of a medium haired cat tangled up in string with a bandage around its head looking quite pathetic. Text on it says I have troubles of my own. Don’t mention yours.

Postcard from my collection, sent 1912.

Nice smoke detector bro. Does federal law prohibit me from tampering with it?

To those quick to jeer and mock my Hoka Kawanas. I’m doing a Billy Eilish thing. Their cushioned support that erases the pain from my plantar fasciitis is just gravy. A positive side effect of the cool style I’m doing.

Can I get a toot?

With grok, anyone could be on the receiving end of a vulgar roast at any time. It is only the principle of mutually assured destruction that prevents vulgar roasts from occurring at any given get-together.

Continuing prompts to make the roast more vulgar will mean the hilarity never ends.

Ouuughghh … they’re making me Work at my job

Full-lipped men synergy on the TL

Sly & robbie Superthruster : 60s

Why don’t they make the whole table out of the coaster

John Fetterman looks like a beat up street dog at the beginning of those rescue videos where they nurse animals back to health. All dinged up and dazed looking. Desperate for love but snarling and snapping.

Mf looks like his tail’s been docked 😢

Jim Breuer is a front runner in a very competitive field.

He may be the stupidest comedian who thinks they understand politics.

The James Bond franchise faces a big problem: me, the viewer, has been shot at the start of the movie through the barrel of my gun, and I'm dripping blood over my own eye balls (they're in the gun)