Groceries

American culture?? oh you mean yellow cheese singles

Never thought I'd peel an entire apple in one long, curling, unbroken ribbon but I guess that's what sobriety will do to a mfer

Weird that the guys who endlessly split hairs over the difference between pedophilia and ephebophilia, are somehow also the exact same guys who endlessly split hairs about the definition of concentration camps.

Skill Issue. I'm on my 7th set.

I’m always eager to please like,
“Something need doing?”
“Yes, milord.”
“Job’s done!”

hmm?
okidoki
work, work.

Occasionally saving a draft that just says something like "love ya big guy, hang in there!"

I miss when human beings were capable of feeling shame, that seemed to stop a lot of problems before they started.

Guy who spends decades studying how to make a golem, carefully and lovingly crafts it, and then fits a shitpost into its head to animate it.

number one power user of one of my home toilets

Joke’s on you guys, I was sad before I logged on

Fascinating how humans evolved in symbiosis with other species, like the toaster oven.

It’s confusing to me that there’s no word in the English language for waking up in the middle of the night to eat ice cream

“I’ve reviewed over 50 sticky toffee puddings” is an incredibly powerful way to begin a video

bsky popup that says failed to load blob

what

Lord Juiblex Breaking news: some Canadians at the Olympics won a medal That's not news. That's sports. The news is not sports. BhovPablo News can be about sports. The word "news" indicates the fresh, contemporary nature of the information (it's new), not the topical content. Lord Juiblex WHY ARE YOU A STINKY LIAR

I'm here to debate you. Come at me, bro.

The Winter Olympics seem pretty easy. Get down that hill? Done

Let's see who's really behind the mask

It was 1992 and I was at the keyboard of my Gateway desktop participating in a flame war in some chat room and I distinctly remember typing “you jagoffs need to go outside and touch grass” in case you want to know the real origin story of that phrase

The only things keeping me going are audacity and spite

My New Year’s resolution of not doing anything different is going great

Thinking about when email used to be a huge productivity killer because I ever looked at it.

A reverse Double Stuf Oreo: a normal amount of crème filling between two extra-thick chocolate wafers. Sound impossible? It’s not...theoretical food scientists are now saying it could happen within our lifetime.

My continued existence is maintained under duress.

Me: *releases balloon into the air* you're free now

Helium Inside Balloon: why have you locked me in this sky prison

What if they’re shocking because it’s names like Poopoo McGillicutty and Diarrhea Johnson?

Finally a real holiday to celebrate

if the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you may be entitled to compensation

Like “krab” or “cheez,” Double Stuf Oreos are intentionally misspelled because the filling doesn’t meet the minimum legal requirements to be called “stuff.”