Swiped Out

Opened my bedroom door this morning to discover my daughter had decided to reorganise her room and have a clearout.

Great.

They’ve paid me. That’s the first time my business has officially made money.

Definitely a landmark moment.

Erm, neither of those are terracotta…?

I’m reliably informed by someone who knows a LOT more than me about colour theory that deep red isn’t the best colour for a bedroom, so we’re now choosing between these instead.

Any preferences?

It's only when someone puts up a picture of them with you that you realise just how much they filter their photos.

You look great always, but I KNOW that's not how my face looks in real life.

You guys - it's finally happened.

Evri said they had my parcel. They said it would be delivered today. AND THEY ACTUALLY DELIVERED IT TODAY.

I don't know how to process this. I think the Matrix is broken.

My friend just got her doctorate and I am SO FUCKING PROUD!!!

Why do you get someone to say congratulations and they’re awesome and I’m proud and I’m so glad they’re my friend?!

You have a good eye - it is indeed from Euston.

😂😂😂

Euston train station!

Ridiculous cost for mediocre pastry snacks.

If someone doesn’t remake Porridge but set in this prison instead then we’re missing a trick.

Love it when random people and worlds collide on here!

£4.69 for a single sausage roll?!

We used to be a country. A great country.

Yep! No joy, though, as all the trains from Euston have been cancelled so I’m stuck down south for now.

You going?

Trains to the north from London have all been delayed.

Which has really annoyed 8/10 people at Euston, who are all Man Utd fans.

I don’t know what you’re doing with your Saturday but I’m choosing to go to Birmingham for a work event that I could’ve said no to.

And I’m happy about it.

What has happened to me?!

a woman in a black hood holds her finger to her lips in front of bbc ALT: a woman in a black hood holds her finger to her lips in front of bbc

Am I the only person who actually enjoys the tasks on #TheTraitors?

Fucking hell, I need a nap.

Imagine meeting the love of your life, then finding out that they watch videos in public without any headphones.

Yep! So bloody annoying - nothing I could've done differently, either. Parked in the middle of two other cars in a clearly marked bay under a streetlight - they had no excuse.

Then the insurance company told me it would be prioritised and picked up first thing this morning, but the garage have told me (after I chased them) that it won't be picked up until Friday.

Not ideal.

Some prick smashed into my car at some point while it was parked, then drove off without leaving details.

And as there's nobody else to claim from, my insurance company are now saying it'll go down as me being at fault.

Bastards.

#theTraitorsUK

Absolute cinema.

#theTraitorsUK

Love a wrong number.

The first Monday back at work is the Mondayest Monday of them all.

Going to make 2026 a great (and tasty) year!

This might be the best reply I've ever had.