dave

the people's champion

Anonymous meets shrek >I was only 9 years old >I loved shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies > I pray to shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given > "Shrek is love" I say. "Shrek is life" > My dad hears me and he calls me a faggot >I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek > I called him a cunt > He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep > Im crying now, and my face hurts > I lay in bed and its really cold > A warmth is moving towards me > I feel something touch me > Its shrek > I am so happy > He whispers in my ear, "this is my swamp" >He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees > I'm ready > I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek > He penetrates my butthole > It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek > I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water > I push against his force > I want to please Shrek > He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love > My dad walks in > Shrek looks him straight in the eye and says. "Its all ogre now" > Shrek leaves through my window > Shrek is love, Shrek is life

shrek is love, shrek is life

the
🅱️uilding
🅱️locks of
🅱️asic nutrition:

the 4🅱️ diet

🅱️eans
🅱️eef
🅱️acon
🅱️iscuits

the cuck chair

seinfeld ate a kid on tv? i would have watched that

i'd watch my penis in tj maxx

dude stole that from the front door of a kid's fridge

nw: kid galahad (1937) edward g robinson, bette davis, humphrey bogart

your house wolf heard the sound of them strips long before they nose confirmed it

damm i love prick ear dogs

i used to hear this from other parents when my kid was little. I always assumed it was some kind of parent joke i didn't get, on account of every time school was canceled i was like "FUCK YEAH I GET TO SPEND THE DAY WITH THE KID"

he said mickey mouse not zelda

tcm [HBO max]

nw "larceny inc." (1942)

jackie gleason camps it up and steals every scene he's in

joy to the world

honey, he don't look like he ever been broken

a tweet altered by removing a line recommending fucking over a candidate needing accommodation, because zero-sum games don't have conditions Medical school admissions and residency spots are a zero sum game. If you give a spot to someone you're taking a spot away from someone else.

a zero-sum game isn't conditional. giving a spot to a candidate needing accommodation can also mean taking that spot from 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.

a dog (not ellie, alas) gazing at holiday lights

happy holidays, josh

holy shit, they let the goddamn shoemaker build a house

your tv wants you to log in??

fuck that
i don't even let my Samsung tv feed me ads when I'm watching the Samsung tv+ network.

when the ozempic hits all at once

it's a free crib toy

new england, currently western mass. moxie is my go-to.

mustard, onions, and chili is a classic combo, can't go wrong there

there is nothing better with a hot dog (flo's or anyone else's, for that matter) than an ice cold moxie

💯

🥛------- 👀‼️

use a bit more vanilla

he was twisted by the malevolent power of the Ring, we are still allowed to pity him for the trap in which he was snared.

the clerk didn't ask??

what a stunad

if there really was a poltergeist in gracie mansion it would have pushed eric adams down the stairs a long time ago