Pete 'the Comedy Wulrus' Kinsella

Pornography depicting strangulation to become criminal offence in the UK Legal requirement to be placed on tech platforms to prevent users from seeing such ‘choking’ material

Where does this leave Reeves' tax speech later?
#kco
www.theguardian.com/society/2025...

Live colossal squid captured on video in wild for first time ever A young Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, the heaviest invertebrate on earth, was filmed in the Atlantic Ocean

Personally I’d like more news about colossal squid and less about colossal cunts. Trump, Farage, Rowling et al — cold, spineless, slimy —but only the squid know about real depth
#TenThousandLeaguesUnderAnySortofHumanEmpathy
#ignoranceistheparentoffear www.theguardian.com/environment/...

‘Magical realism’: how a fake Hindu nation tried to take over Indigenous land in Bolivia Contracts show fictional country created by fugitive Indian guru would control vast swathes ‘with full sovereignty’

Made up countries run by fake religions - Clearly you can't just draw lines on a map and say some guy in the clouds told you, you could have it you know. That would be mental.
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/a...
#whataloadofbolivia #fakecountriesrealcunts #freepalestine

Crimestoppers offer reward to catch Guildford graffiti vandal - BBC News The graffiti tag Wormy is so prolific in Guildford that Crimestoppers are stepping in.

Biggest safety threats 2025?
Terrorism? No.
Economic collapse? No.
Climate breakdown? No.
War? Na.
Nuclear arsenals in the hands of maniacs? No.
Violence against women soaring? Eh? - no

It’s some kid writing on stuff.
In Guildford! In Surrey!
[Monocle falls into glass]
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Anarchist burlesque? Don't mind if I do.
www.ticketsource.co.uk/whats-on/roc...

Wildlife groups express alarm at plan to ‘streamline’ UK environmental rules Government wants to spur economic growth and drive housebuilding but charities say nature should be priority

What have trees ever done? 2025:
We demand PROGRESS. We demand GROWTH. MORE STUFF!
Pave the forests! Tarmac the rivers!
Make Dartmoor a Greggs Superstore. Ban the colour green (again)!
Set squirrels on fire. MORE CONCRETE!
www.theguardian.com/environment/...
#CantEatMoney #CantGrowConcrete

Marine Le Pen attacks ban on French presidency run as a ‘political decision’ Far-right leader, who was found guilty of embezzlement of European funds, says conviction is a ‘denial of democracy’

She's right. I was banned from an all you can eat Buffet because I criticised HS2.
Of course on my restraining order it said it was because
1. You can't bring your own 'cutlery'.
2. I was 'growling' at other customers
3. A shovel isn't cutlery.
But I know!
www.theguardian.com/world/2025/m...

Quakers condemn arrests of Youth Demand activists at meeting house Quakers in Britain says the arrests were the first at a meeting house and an

Even Johnson didn’t manage to piss off the Quakers. But for Starmer—Frankenstein mix of man and porridge (made with water)—this is personal.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
#BritishPolitics #PorridgePM #LabourParty #KeiriousBehaviour #QuakerQuarrel #PoliticsButWeird #RevengeoftheBeigeFromBeyond

Zelenskyy to debrief EU leaders on Trump call before military chiefs head to London – Europe live European leaders are gathering in Brussels this morning to discuss Ukraine, defence and the Middle East

www.theguardian.com/world/live/2...

Do you think he'll have to include the nap times, how many changes Trump required? What type of animal was the puppet they used for Putin?
#bigbraveboy #naughtystep #rapistinthewhitehouse #thetraitors

John Hemingway: Last surviving Battle of Britain pilot dies aged 105 Mr Hemingway, who is originally from Dublin, joined the RAF as a teenager before World War Two.

DWP maintain he's fit to work. Looking forward to PMQs later & Starmer making all the right noises about him before justifying attacking society's most vulnerable in an attempt to appease the type of people John & his colleagues protected us from.
#PMQs #WelfareCuts #battleofbritaintwo

Keir Starmer to unveil drastic disability benefit cuts despite opposition Changes could deny benefits to people who need help to wash or to remember to go to the toilet

What’s he supposed to do? Tax the rich? He’d lose his invite to Murdoch’s BBQ. Kemi & the Tories will be there—tumbling out of a Ka, honking their red noses, flinging buckets labeled ‘Policies', only to douse everyone in sparkly hate crime.
www.theguardian.com/society/2025...
#TaxTheRich

US astronauts stranded on ISS for nine months to return to Earth on Tuesday, Nasa says Journey of Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams on a SpaceX Crew Dragon craft will be broadcast live

Astronauts stranded on the ISS have appeal denied—judge rules they must return & suffer with the rest of us.
One quoted as saying: “All not lost. It’s an X spaceship. Odds are it’ll explode on contact with air.🤞”
www.theguardian.com/science/2025...
#InSpaceNoOneCanHearYouSayFuckTrump #SpaceMigrants

Baby wombat grabber Sam Jones leaves Australia after intense backlash including from PM and immigration minister Montana-based hunting influencer flies out of Australia on Friday after home affairs minister said he couldn’t ‘wait to see the back of this individual’

US dominating the '2025, Humans = Cancer' games. Although strong plays from the UK & Wes Streeting.
Shocking from The Guardian. Twice, autocorrect has changed her job to 'hunting' influencer.
#SamJonesControversy #wombattotheface #vegancomedian
www.theguardian.com/environment/...

Deep down here by the dark water lived old Musk, a small slimy creature. I don’t know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Musk—as dark as darkness, except for two pale beady eyes in a face like human skin had been pulled over Kermit the Frogs head.”

Only 2 gigs this week:
Quiet night at @gandbcomedy, testing new bits. @declanevanscomedy smashed it.
Great warm-up for my first 20 at @poodleclublondon—intimate but a party. Honoured to open on #InternationalWomensDay with a killer lineup. Crowd was feral.
#StandUp #LiveComedy #LondonComedy #OpenMic

I know you wanted me to stay, but I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in Sydenham. So I’ll be strutting, ranting, and possibly oversharing at The Poodle Club—the place where boys and girls—and comedians—can all be Queens every single day... well, for 10 or 20 mins!

#ThePoodleClub #LiveComedy

What's your favourite cryptid? Do you think it ever existed?
#CryptidOrCrap
#LogOrLegend
#MonstersOrMarketing
#ProbablyJustAnOtter

Elon Musk has spent more money trying to penetrate the heavens than he has a woman. And to be fair, with greater success – the rocket lasted minutes.

I heard he was last seen on the launchpad, screaming “DID YOU CUM?!” into the sky

#OneSmallDickForMan #ToInadequacyAndBeyond #HoustonWeHaveImpotence

Was fairly obvious once I calmed down. It was the fact he posted it! Lesson to be learned. Even if you're not following the moron, you might be following the moron.🤣

I'm worried if I host more parties, people will come. Bastards.

Not sure how much use Zelenskiy has for "Putin’s Top 10 Turn-Ons," "Bootlicking for Beginners," and "Removing Fake Tan from Your Arsehole" anyway #currentaffairscomedy. #vitalintel #bootlickerbible #

US stops sharing intelligence on Russia with Ukraine US no longer providing information about targets in Russia, in latest blow after halting military aid

Not sharing intelligence? Do they have enough to go around anyway? Since they stopped manufacturing it, I assume there are massive tariffs on importing things like intelligence, common sense, and humanity. #USUkraine #ShortSupply #161comedy

www.theguardian.com/world/2025/m...

Luckily, legends like @Care4Calais and @ReadingRedKitchen are out there doing the government’s job instead of coming up with focus-grouped fascism.

Eat the rich. Except Musk. The vegan cheese of humanity.

#Solidarity #RefugeesWelcome #EatTheRich

‘Stop the boats’ slogan was ‘too stark’, admits Rishi Sunak Former prime minister says drive to stop Channel crossings was correct, but message ‘wasn’t quite right’

www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Earthworm Jim in a wig again. ‘Stop the Boats’ was too stark’? Yeah, mate, the branding was the issue—not the sheer callousness of it. Good job it was only illegal immigrants, eh? Can you imagine if we treated refugees like that?
#StopTheSlogans #BeigeCruelty

🚨 TONIGHT! 🚨 I’m at G&B Comedy at The Bell, saying things that made sense in my kitchen but will almost certainly collapse under scrutiny.
#GandBComedy
#punkstandup #161comedy

The world’s most technically alive being nods like Kermit the Frog at a shareholder meeting, except with less charisma and more government subsidies? I thought the capitalist was that stupid, self-obsessed, egomaniac pig he hangs around with. #AnarchoComedy #ThisMachineKillsFascists #TechnoParasite

JD Vance says US economic interests in Ukraine the best way to guarantee its security Vice-president says best way to prevent another Russian invasion is to ‘give Americans economic upside in the future of Ukraine’

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
JD Vance thinks cutting off Ukraine is “good for America.” Like when your landlord says rent hikes “help the economy”—yeah mate, your economy. Absolute spineless coward.
#Satire #AnarchoComedy #LaughingAtTheFascists #ThisMachineKillsFascists #JDGrift #Foxaganda

Elon Musk survives as fellow of Royal Society despite anger among scientists Questions remain over whether further action will be taken after resignations and calls for the Tesla CEO to be expelled

www.theguardian.com/technology/2...
Makes sense—overprivileged, unqualified, and worshipped for doing nothing of value. That' their whole brand init? 👑🚀
#Satire #AnarchoComedy #LaughingAtTheFascists #ThisMachineKillsFascist