dan poets society

It’s Thursday, but some of you thought it was Friday. You know who you are

I just thought of some words. Here they are. Now like them

Call me, crazy

I’m confused

Kiss me, I’m Spanglish

Tuesday is like a recipe you take one ingredient out of and it sucks just a little bit less… but I still want to slap the chef

I’m giving up the punchline of this joke for Lent

Think tank? More like brain aquarium

Maybe, maybe yes

Take my advice… I’m not using it

Probably not what you were expecting

Expect the unexpected when you least expect it

A garbage either can or it can’t

Bananas in pajamas sounds like a perfectly logical thing

Happy Monday! Now go back to bed

I’m the toilet paper coordinator for all 5 star hotels

Behind the toilet is the gold standard of toilet paper placement in hotel room bathrooms

Don’t count your chickens before there’s two in the bush

My middle name

Don’t burn your bridges before they’re hatched

I have a third thigh

The word quirky is a quirky word

Cereal is just breakfast soup for the soul

I’ve officially run out of things to think

Chicken soup for the Christmas hangover

Merry day after Christmas!

It’s not officially Christmas unless you dive into a pile of red and green M&Ms like Scrooge McDuck

Don’t forget to make any last minute Die Hard jokes while it’s still Christmas

Santa Claus was coming to town

Don’t burn my biscuits, bro