Tactical Reskeeter 🎯

a post it that berger used to break up w/ carrie in sex and the city that says "i'm sorry i can't don't hate me"

EVERYONE: come to Mastodon, it's so easy and fun now!

ME:

TV shows dropping all at once ruined community building

Don't worry guys, we can push bluesky left after it wins the election

about time!

To join Mastodon, you just need to pick an instance. To know what an instance is, you just need to join Mastodon. To join Mastodon, you just need to pick an instance. To know what an instance is, you just need to join Mastodon. To join Mastodon, you just need to pick an instance. To know what an...

"This website is free" No. This website comes at a terrible cost

cat riding away on a skateboard. the background is like space or something

anyone: what are you going to do if this art thing doesn’t work out
me:

if you didn’t tell everyone on bluesky that you set up a mastodon account, did you even really set up a mastodon account?

“In 2007 a married couple in Bosnia started cheating online […] with each other

“If u like piña coladas…”

personally, i love spirit halloween

Do young adults know that I give not one shit if you call me cringe or think I am cringe or physically cringe when I speak? No one cares about your opinion, Jayden/Kaiden/Jacob/Emma, your frontal lobe isn't even formed

hypnotising jerry seinfeld into not being attracted to 14 year olds

The best thing about all this is that I don't care at all if you get my jokes or know who I am talking about

A strong body, a peaceful mind, and a home filled with love, these aren’t things we can buy, they’re things we must earn.

I put a hex on a neighbor and he’s dead now so, that’s cool.

just one day after my bad luck brian thigh tattoo healed i tripped over my shoe lace and shredded the entire thing off on the pavement

photo of Jack Black in 'School of Rock' standing by the blackboard filled with the Timeline of Rock Music captioned when you laugh at a dumb meme and ur partner, who is not an internet person, asks what's funny but it's like a tier 3 meme and you gotta explain about 7 years of internet for them to understand the nuances

😔

The raw milk people are hilarious. All you have to do is meet one (1) cow and smell the situation in which they are producing that rawness and you will pasteurize everything you own for a week

i was blacklisted from the competitive scene when i stood up after setting a world record and 47 uneaten hot dogs slid out of my ass

genuinely regrettable back tattoo of two cooked chicken wings on a lady's shoulders

did it hurt?
when you fell from heaven?
because you only had chicken wings?

a breaking news headline that justin timberlake has lyme disease

now this is REALLY gonna ruin the tour (the world tour)

I want to push Frasier into open traffic and then take the rest of the characters out for brunch.

Alluring grapes, heavily discounted

orange cat looking pouty

5 months ago this animal lived outside in the woods and just now he refused to go on the windowsill bc there was a little bit of rain on it

maybe i should call him

critics are calling this one “hard to watch”

Some of you are really out here throwing dick spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks

please read my insanely embarrassing piece in the NYT "It's Bad—Why I Revised My Thoughts Regarding Poo Poo" that I was paid $90000 to write

you say po-tay-toe (hulk hogan) and i say po-tah-toe (ozzy osborne) but they were actually kind of both pieces of shit so let’s call the whole thing off