CaptainDoodle

Watching the ol’ World Championship bowls. Yeah, I know, I’m just so rock ‘n’ roll. The noise that goes off when the shot clock runs out is like a 1970s Ford Cortina’s horn. Horrible, but I suppose at least it keeps the pensioners in the crowd on their toes vis-a-vis dozing off.

Spunk Anansie
Poo Fighters
Wangs
Shed Semen

Cripes, they’re all filthy for some reason!

That’s the wildest swing of the bat I’ve ever seen from a fortune cookie.

There were two, plus the kids got one each in their stockings. Was a quad orange Christmas!

Down to half a pipe of Pringles, a third of an iced fruit cake, approx. 30-40 Matchmakers, two thirds of a canister of Twiglets, a fully intact chocolate orange, half a big bag of counterfeit Frazzles and two derelict gingerbread houses in a state of disrepair.

…and what would yours be?

Watching the ahhrrahs and trying to think of a good darting nickname. So far only ‘The Dood’ or ‘Jester’ spring to mind. Suggestions on a postcard…

Lovely stuff. Hope you had a good day. Managed to pull of a coup and get to a Christmas Day Parkrun for the first time, so they were about ready to burst upon my return at 10:15, when they finally opened the main stash.

Three segments of Terry’s chocolate orange, half a dozen Pringles and a couple of sausage rolls in a bowl. Milk optional.

Currently pinned in anyway, so can’t possibly get up.

Yep. Just a minor extraction for the loo and to give in to the terrorist demands for food of my younger, furrier child, but back in bed now. Not a peep from the kids. Think they burned themselves out by getting up at godknowswhattime yesterdsy

Good morning. Too snuggly in bed to get up at the moment.

Might treat me sen to a good ol’ fashioned lie-in tomorrow. Honestly can’t remember the last one I was in bed past 8am, what with always getting up for work, or parkrun, or junior parkrun.

Oh, go on, just one more waffer theen meeent…

All I want for Christmas is for everyone in the office to understand the difference between an asterisk and Asterix. Honestly, it’s unbefuckinglievable.

Raising a sausage for dear Wombat tonight. Rest in peace, you lovely man. Had already shopped before work to pick up m’dinner when I got to my desk and read the sad news. It’s like he was guiding me to the toad-in-the-hole section. 😥😔

Ah jeez, yeah. Always get that in Co-op. They can approve it on the self scan from afar by hitting a button, but the staff are oblivious most of the time, or too busy gasbagging to a local character. 🙄

Lol. That’s mad. I didn’t have any alcohol in the bag at all. Tonic water is all I can think it was, but that’s equally as mad. I hate the random checks most of all, where someone CLUMSILY FUCKS WITH MY PERFECT TETRIS PACKING. 😤

Carnage at Tesco this morning, even at 8am. Plus I achieved the rare annoyance hat-trick of 1) having to have a bag check, like a common criminal, 2) woman having to come over again to age approve (still not quite sure why), and 3) random contactless refusal so having to manually put card in etc 🙄😵‍💫

Sad times. Feared it was coming. He was such a wonderful guy. So many fun times on Twitter and tweetups. We should raise a sausage to him at this time every year.

Oh nooo. 😞 My heart is broken for you all. He was a magnificent man who brought so much joy to those in his orbit. The world’s a far poorer place without him. So sorry for your loss. Love to all the family x

Aye, I’ve strayed too far from the Shire, Mr Frodo.

Desperate times. Hitting the five-years-beyond-expiry-date Lemsip until I get the chance to hit the supermarket. Doubting its efficacy after all this time but I’ll take warm and lemony on this rancid day 🤧🤒

A very schlong out & back parkrun. Shafted by the weather but didn’t cock it up and wanged it round ok despite the bogginess. 😝 #50goingon15 #suchachild

Lol. Yeah, for a while a few years ago it was all Greatest Showman and Hey Duggee

Reckon with a fortnight of solid back catalogue listening I could tweak my top 5 to make it slightly cooler before the year’s out, but that’s not in the spirit of the game, Clive

Any tenants living downstairs, or has the landlord forced the entire egg family to live together in the roof space?

I'm running Berlin Half Marathon in 2026 for Sport in Mind Help Richard Chester raise money to support Sport in Mind

If anyone could spare a few ££ to help support a great mental health charity and get me closer to my £500 target for Berlin that’d be fantastic and much appreciated. 🙂👍… www.justgiving.com/page/richber...

😂🤣😂

Yeah, what he said. C’mon, spill…