snow❄️

the obviousness of the bait is negatively correlated with the site's literacy rate. actual flies come out of my phone's charging port every time I pay for takeout

guy whose bible reading plan got derailed when they read the song of solomon

This has never happened to me before and I promise you I deadass thought this was an Onion headline

epaulet sounds like if a person with a heavy spanish accent was asking for your wallet

you know what could happen to your forehead wrinkles if you remembered to use moisturizer every day?

wet wingle

I'm an atheist but I'm not stupid. it's better to hedge your bets and keep valuables on you so on the off chance that there is an afterlife you can keep some of your mulah

the industrial revolution and its consequences

my boss is the only one who appreciates my ability to finish quick under pressure

imagine this is how you find out youre a sleeper agent

You already know Chinese buddy. Get ready to remember it

babe you look so perfect like if mona lisa had the body of that one idol of venus with the huge tits

a band called foreplay that only does live gigs at catholic confirmation ceremonies

assistant wondering why there's semen dripping off the president's chin when the conference with Kremlin was done remotely

a chain is only as strong as its weakest link and uhh

split your larger tasks into many smaller tasks to maximize productivity. puke just a lil bit at a time

I'm into conventionally unattractive weather

the shrinking stack of clean t-shirts represents the merciless passing of time. the dwindling pack of napkins show how often I had blew my nos

there's a lot of covert sexual elements in my art that few will catch. floppin cocks over the Rhône

this might just be the biggest meme in the history of the internet

guy who likes getting stepped on saying he 'works best when under pressure'

this is a bad feature guys please roll it back all my friends suck at the game and I don't want to be dying constantly please guys for real

you need a system to succeed. mine is jacking off every mormning

nooo don't stimulate my pelvic meridian my penile acupoint stoppp

they should make a game about this and then sell the studio after peaking in player count

passing responsibility off feels sooo good like its your problem now shithead

I know me and my fellow disciples (coworkers) will survive the heavenly tribulation (layoffs) as we have accrued much positive karma (generated shareholder value disproportionate to our compensation)

the guarana leaves floating in my energy drink arrange in the shape of a dancing courtesan. it will be an auspicious day

destiny is when cookie and hungry
when thirsty and juice in fridge

Those enemies you like to have? They’ve dissolved into the warm glow of a kind and nurturing universe

St. Anger clears